The Sony Open is the first event in 2015 to feature a full field, which kinda gives the feel of this week being Caddie Day at the Bushwood Country Club pool following the posh exclusivity of the Hyundai. Even so, there are still several top names playing this week, as well as some NLU favorites.

Kapalua’s wide fairways, severe elevation changes, and relatively modern design are nowhere to be found on Waialae’s classic Seth Raynor layout, which plays to a modest (at least by Tour standards) 7,088 yards. A refreshing change from the “bomb & gouge” tracks so prevalent throughout the year, the premium is instead on accuracy and being able to flight the ball through the trade winds. By all accounts, tour players seem to enjoy this course and the consensus suggests it’s an underrated track (although that could be skewed with the players sampled being, by and large, those who enjoy and/or are well-suited to this type of test; surely the bomber contingent has a different view and thus quite a few stay away).

At NLU, our first glance at any scorecard is to answer two questions: 1) How gettable are the par-5’s? and 2) Are there any even remotely reachable par-4’s? Judging by this standard, Waialae disappoints as it features just two par-5’s and only one par-4 that is close to the realm of being gettable (#10 plays downwind 350 yards but the green is well-guarded). This disappointment is quickly washed away by the fact it’s unlikely ANYONE in the field will be forced to lay up on either par-5 – they’re the easiest set of par-5’s on Tour (#9 is 510 yards – that’s a long par-4). Interestingly, #1 and #13 were formerly par-5’s until John Huston waged war on the bird sanctuary here back in ’98 (causing them to Huston-proof the course – more on that later).

These days, the first hole is one of the most bossy opening holes on Tour, a 488 yard par-4 incorporating elements of the road hole at St. Andrews – it’s a STRONG start. May we suggest PGATour.com put a live feed of this hole for the week and and dub it, “The Snuff Film?” Overall, not a typical No Laying Up style track, but there is fun to be had. It just all comes down to how hard the wind blows.

Think standard, nondescript early 1990’s event – pretty much a bunch of retired white men milling about, relatively sparsely attended (under 50,000). Bottom-line: the Tommy Bahama clique will be out in full force, with the Golf Channel schwaldo’s following suit. Golf Channel will play up the Hawaiian vibe with music, surfer backgrounds and Waikiki Beach jokes. Even if you don’t like golf, just tune in for a televised respite from the shitty weather that’s making you SAD right now. Overall, there’s some good stuff going on here but it’s too basic to be overly hilarious.

Little known fact: The 1998 United Airlines Hawaiian Open was won by John Huston. Dude went 28 deep, causing uproar among environmentalists and local homeowners over the sheer number of birds slaughtered during that year’s event. The negative publicity caused United to pull out and Sony signed on, but with a caveat: the membership redesigned the course during the off-season (the next year Jeff Sluman emerged as champion with a heavily toned-down winning score of -9. Coincidence? You be the judge). The Oahu avian population rebounded nicely post 1998 atrocities, for those who are wondering.

This event is essentially the PGA Tour’s spin-off of the popular TLC show “Little People, Big World,” with the illustrious lineage of little ass dudes who have won this event: the aforementioned Sluman, Paul Goydos, Mark Wilson, Corey Pavin (Back-to-back winner, Tom Emansky style! Shortly thereafter he tried to rename it the Rat Family Open), Brad Faxon, David Toms, and Russell Henley among others. It would seem that Tim Clark and Mike Weir are PRIMED to win this thing. How did Ian Woosnam not get an invite?

Finally, and really most importantly, shame on the organizers for refusing to extend a sponsor’s exemption to Tadd Fujikawa. What the hell is that about? If you’re not going to give this guy a spot then don’t have exemptions. I thought it was written into the by-laws that he gets a spot. Hell, in ’12 he rose above mascot status and nabbed a top-20!

In general, I’m going with shorter hitters this week, as distance is not a pre-req at all at Waialae. I’m also going with guys that I think have a ton of upside, so I’m planning on betting them frequently throughout the year.

. His finishes the last 10 years are as follows (most recent listed first): T8, T3, T2, T68, T5, 4, T69, T2, T53, T3. Enough said. A true horse for course.

: Former champ, coming off a hot week. Not overthinking this one.

: When bae is this hot, you just gotta ride it out. Top 6’s in 3 of his 4 starts this season, and playing on a track that should reward his ball striking prowess.

 Fil was pumping this guy on NLU before it was cool (Fil’s now sporting a beard, wearing flannel, and no longer has a wifi connection in an attempt to go full hipster).

: He’s riding that wave of emotion from recently following NLU on twitter, and the strong NLU Atlanta contingent has had us on Harman’s jock for some time now.

: These odds just seem incredibly high for a guy that blazed his way through the playoffs the way he did. Yes, that was four months ago, but

 Expect to continue to see Svoboda listed here. We fell in love with him 

, and he’s coming off two top 20 finishes in the fall. He’s going to win a smaller event this year, so I’m going to be betting him when I see the odds this high.

For fantasy purposes, you can’t look past the top guns: J-Day, J-Walker, ZJ, MatsuYOTTO, etc. Their odds are just too low for a full field event.

(Debuting this section this week. I’m going to try to do an email exchange with 

 each week discussing the event. Expect it to be more extensive in the future.)

: So, after watching Patrick Reed steal a victory away from Jimmy Walker at Kapalua, we have a loaded field going to Waialae. Reed’s not there, as he’s opting to take the week off and hopefully get some sun on that forehead, but we’ve got season debuts for Rory, Rickie, Justin Rose, Henrik Stenson and Martin Kaymer…wait, that’s actually the Euro Tour event in Abu Dhabi. Maybe we should preview that tournament instead.

Jason Day’s the headliner this week at the Sony, with Walker, Hideki Matsuyama, Matt Kuchar and Chris Kirk rounding out the consensus favourites. It sucks that Reed isn’t here though, it would have been great to see him go for the Hawaiian double, which I’m sure is a metaphor for something that Mark Rolfing would love to tell us all about. Outside of Matsuyama, who I always have me eyes on, I’m really interested in a few players this week:

Luke Donald, who played better at the end of 2014 after going back to Pat Goss and has decent course form.

Graham DeLaet, a great ball striker who might as well start putting with his eyes closed.

Tony Finau, who could lead the PGA Tour in distance this season.

Anyone you have your eyes on? Please don’t say John Daly.

: The field this year is as loaded as the European Tour is…. well European. Seriously, they play events on more continents on that circuit than I’ll set foot on in my lifetime. You know they’re just loving this global warming idea as they prepare for the inaugural Antarctic Open in 2018. Since moving here, everyone has joked that I’m going to become a Euro Tour expert, but they’re going to play on three different continents before they go to the Madeira Islands in March, and they don’t hit continental Europe until the Spanish Open in May. I know it’s not warm here yet, but its playable.

I’m equally disappointed that we won’t see Reed win again this week, then take the flag out of the hole on 18, drive it through the center of the green, and claim the Hawaiian islands ownership from Mark Rolfing. Did I mention I’m all in on Reed? Pretty sure I did.

I like the Donald look, but can’t say I understand the Finau one. I agree that he’s a guy to keep our eye on this year, but this track is going to limit his top gear. His game screams Torrey Pines to me.

With a Japanese title sponsor and a well-known rep as a Japanese tourist destination, this tourney holds some allure in the Far-Eastern golf sphere. Seeing only two Asians (Aoki & Choi), therefore, among a relatively impressive list of past champions is somewhat surprising. However, that may change in the coming years as it looks like this event is carving out an increasingly outsized niche in an area of the world where golf is coming on strong. If I’m the tournament organizer, I’m playing this angle up as much as possible (Finchy should be helping) and marketing this as a premier early season Pan-Pacific ball-striking fiesta and cultural celebration.

FYI on our previews: A lot of the stuff that applies to multiple years (course, vibe, etc.), you’re going to see some stuff that we’ve just rolled forward from last year’s preview (mostly Tron Carter’s work). Is this poor journalism? Absolutely. That’s why we aren’t actually journalists. Of course the picks section, and recent events will always be updated, but previews are hard to do, and there is no point in trying to recreate some of the stuff that we’ve already covered.

Who else played the Waialae video game back in the day? We’ll leave you with some images below from my childhood:

Check in with the NLU Gang all week on twitter whilst we do our usual hood-rat act: 

2015 Sony Open Preview

A few weeks before the Ryder Cup last year, I actually floated the idea out loud on a podcast that Reed should consider giving up his spot on the Ryder Cup team because he was playing so poorly. If I had any fear that someone would actually go back and listen to that, I would delete it, but I’m going to leave it there whenever I start to get too cocky (see below). Since then, he balled outta control on both the scoreboard and the #TourSauce at the Ryder Cup, torching the foothills of Scotland in his path. Drake would be envious of how fast I went 0 to 100 in attaching myself to Reed’s bandwagon, holding up my 100/1 Masters ticket as if it was already cashed, and I had bought a WWE belt with the winnings. This really may be the year of Patrick Reed.

In honor of the late Stuart Scott….. “Holla at a playa when you see him in the street!”

 Reed’s resume listing after the WGC Cadillac Championship last year ironically may have caused us to completely fail to properly evaluate his talent (great job this week with the top 5 jokes on twitter this week though guys…. Fresh!). Four wins before the age of 25 has him in pretty special company, and he just managed to win a tournament while barely making anything outside five feet (at .19 strokes gained putting, he basically had an average tour pro putting week, which is rare for a winner). I’m just happy to have another young American to root for, and for someone that helps move the needle a little bit for the golf world. I predicted two wins for him this year, but that would mean he’s going to go winless after he wins the Masters…

This is a big win for Reed. Mainly because we all like him now.



— Trevor Reaske (@TrevorReaske) 

debuted the #PrayForTedScott meter this week

, and I’m pretty sure Bubba was trying to break the gauge off before we reach the ides of January. Here’s a snippet of what we have in store for 2015:

 Count me out on this whole “teasing Matsuyama about his English” thing. I saw it in a couple of places on twitter this week, and mostly from golf media types. And people wonder why golfers (and pro athletes) hate talking to the media? As someone that is attempting to learn a second language, I cringe at the thought of discouraging someone from learning our language. Japanese and English are two exceptionally different languages, and it’s remarkably intimidating to speak your second language to a native speaker, especially when you don’t do it well. I get laughed at for my horrific Dutch by some of my Dutch friends, and it makes me terrified to even try to speak it. Matsuyama has to do it on a much more public stage, so I can only imagine the agonizing apprehension to try. There’s a saying here in Europe, and it’s very accurate:

“If you speak three languages, you’re trilingual. If you speak two languages, you’re bilingual. If you speak one language, you’re American.”

Who are we to tease someone for their ability to speak a second language, when many of us can’t speak a second one ourselves? It’s ignorant.

I don’t have a hot take, or anything interesting to say on Jason Day, other than his final round 62 has my attention. I don’t even think he made my quick list of top 10 things I’m excited for in 2015 because I just can’t ever rely on his health (and because this season is already going to be legend- wait for it…), but this really could be the breakout year. Chris Kirk also shot 62 on Sunday, but I also tend to shoot my best rounds when I’m playing by myself and I take some mulligans.

 The coverage this week was predictably poor. With only 34 players to show, there’s only so much Dan Hicks and Johnny Miller can do to fill the airtime to prevent another diatribe from Mark Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele Rolfing on the difference between the Trade Winds and the Kona Winds. We get it man. You live in Hawaii. There wasn’t a blade of grass installed on this course without your approval. Having never been to Hawaii myself, I can say one thing for sure: the locals hate you.

This brings a little baby tear to my eye. We want to see some more sauce from the ams!

Jayyyyyson Day (butchered Aussie accent) almost aced the par 4 14th on Saturday, only to miss the putt.

Oil Spill of the Week (Brought to you by BP)

Kirk’s spill on Friday is what put him DFL going into the Sunday round. If there was anyone watching him, I sure hope this required a #TourSauce point.

Sony Open in Hawaii. Full field event that always has some hysterical names. Preview coming shortly.

2015 Hyundai Tournament of Champions Recap

2014 was a weird year. I teamed up with Grantland and Paste writer 

 to talk through our top 10 weird drama moments of the year, with our sweltering takes.

Phil and Tom Watson Spat at the Ryder Cup

: I’ve been back and forth on this one. Part of me thinks Phil didn’t need to take Tom Watson out behind the shed and pull an Old Yeller on him on (inter)national TV. But part of me thinks it was a calculated move by Phil because he knew the best chance for change was for him to call out Watson for the worst captaincy in Europe since the 

. Was this worth it? You gotta think about how often Phil and Tom are going to see each other. How awkward is this Masters dinner going to be?

: Hey, come on Chris, Watson released a statement after the Ryder Cup saying he and Phil resolved everything with an “open and candid conversation.” Why do you have to stir up drama just because a couple of old pals gave each other the needle? (In reality, I loved what Phil did, and thought Watson was such a disastrous captain that nothing short of an open mutiny would have been appropriate in the circumstances.)

Ted Bishop Calls Ian Poulter a ‘Little Girl’

: I’d like to point out that the actual word he used was not “little,” but “lil.'” The creepy shortening of the word was something I found more offensive than the term itself. I also think that if everyone at the PGA of America didn’t already despise Bishop, he probably could have survived this and served out the last 29 days of his term. As it was, the way he mugged for the cameras and his unilateral approach to picking Watson—a disaster—made him the kind of enemies that were ready to bury him at a moment’s notice.

: Looking back at this a few months later, it’s even more entertaining to me now than it originally was. As I said at the time, I’m just going to give Ted the benefit of the doubt that he was drunk. We’ve all done plenty of dumb stuff when we’re drunk, and I’m certainly no exception to that. I’ve even tweeted some dumb stuff after a little too much of the sauce. But I’m also not the president of the PGA of America. If there is one thing I can sympathize with, it’s harassing Ian Poulter on twitter (which I’m now blocked from being able to do). But for a guy that makes it SO EASY to make fun of him, you have to at least come up with something better than “lil girl.” The whole thing was so hilariously amateur that he deserved to be fired, but mostly for the lack of creativity.

Playing the 18th Hole of the PGA in the Dark

: The whole incident just reeked of amateurism. Who was in charge of this? Oh, that’s right! The guy that called Ian Poulter “lil girl!”(Seriously though, great season Ted.) The big mistake was not moving up tee times at the beginning of the day, which is why they got put in this situation. Undiscovered tribes in the Amazon were aware that there was a storm heading towards Valhalla that day, and Bishop and his crew did nothing about it. So once they sent them out (I believe the leaders teed off around 4:30), we knew it was going to be a race to beat darkness. So while that last hole was complete madness, I’m not sure what I really would have done differently in that particular situation. Did we really want to make Rory wait to play one more hole the final day? Bishop is really lucky that it didn’t end up affecting the outcome of the tournament, because if Rory had missed a short putt because he didn’t have night vision goggles, Bishop would have somehow had an even worse 2014. The guy I feel for is Fowler, who missed a putt on 18 that cost him about a quarter of a million dollars, if I remember right. (Ok, 

: My favorite part of the whole thing was watching Rory essentially bully his way into not only teeing off on 18—which is more or less normal—but hitting his approach before Phil and Rickie finished the hole. The truth is that it wouldn’t have mattered, since Rory’s clutch birdie on 17 sealed the tournament, and he actually almost managed to cost himself the tournament in his haste, with a drive that came a whisper away from falling into the creek on the right side. But it was brilliant to see the Rory/Rickie dynamic at play—Rory basically insisted to Rickie at the tee that he was going to hit, and all Rickie could lamely do was tell him he’d ask Phil. Then, when Rickie and Phil marched to the green after their second shots, Rory yelled after them, and then railroaded the officials into letting him play again. Just more evidence that Rory is the ultimate alpha dog on the PGA Tour…it was so fitting for me that he ended his 2014 season by just annihilating Fowler at the Ryder Cup in the most devastating way possible. He’s a psychological marvel, that one.

: Oh boy. Bubba refusing to take part in the long drive competition, despite the fact that he could have earned money for his precious charities, is the most Bubba moment in a year full of Bubba moments. There’s simply no rationale for it besides Bubba being a baby. Here’s a guy who loves attention, but apparently only on his town terms…because God forbid he accede to the PGA of America’s unreasonable demands and hit a driver during a practice round on a par-5 where he would normally hit…driver.

: The best part is that this was maybe the third or fourth douchiest thing he did during the PGA. And we’re still talking about it! This was one of the best majors of the last five years (at minimum), and we’re talking about Bubba’s antics in a Tuesday practice round! And then we have this from the actual tournament:

"Water on the clubface, bro… water on the clubface. I got no chance!" Bubba to caddie Ted Scott 

"It doesn't matter what I do man. It doesn't matter. It's f*cking horseshit."
-Bubba-

Ugh Bubba to Teddy after missing the green on 16, "I can't play golf man. I got nothing."



— Amanda Balionis (@Amanda_Balionis) 

"Nobody wants to move man…. you'd think I was speaking English."



Bubba is at it again…



— No Laying Up (@NoLayingUp) 

He’s just the worst. Unfortunately for us, the blowback was so hard from these incidents that Bubba, the master of public relations, apologized and vowed to clean up his act. Just like that, all of our free material went out the window. Well, until #BubbaFraud has his next meltdown (1/5 odds that it happens before the Masters).

: As much as I love nitpicking professional golfers in any way, shape, or form, I really don’t enjoy the TMZ side of golf. Part of me thinks that golfer’s (and athletes in general) personal relationships should be more private. But part of me also acknowledges that Rory and Woz were ALL OVER social media with their relationship. And another part of me thinks that the way Rory did it was so 

 that maybe it even deserved more attention. I touched on it when it happened, but I had heard some rumors (from a very, very good source) that Rory did not feel that he was able to get the proper practice time in this relationship. Whether that was due to travel to attend her events, or Caroline’s lack of cooperation in his practice schedule, I do not know. But Rory chose his career over a relationship that his heart truly wasn’t in, which is a mature decision to make for a guy his age. And I realize that your travel schedules made it difficult to see each other face to face, but you just can not make that move over the phone.

: I agree that he made the wise decision, but speaking of rumors, I think we haven’t heard the last of what caused the actual break-up. From my experience, Rory never struck me as an excessively mean person, and he always seemed thoughtful, which made the phone dump so strange—it doesn’t jive with the rest of his personality. I’ll leave that alone for the minute, but, uh…stay tuned, golf fans. In any case, you get the sense that Rory learned his lesson from Tiger Woods, and just in the nick of time. What I want answered is 

Dustin Johnson Takes a “Leave of Absence”

: DJ obviously has a huge problem, but the really fascinating part of this for me was how the PGA Tour’s policy of not publicizing suspensions for recreational drugs completely backfired. The last time DJ got suspended, he and his people could invent a story about a jet ski injury, and even though the people in the know recognized it as bullshit, the general public bought it. The problem arises when an enterprising reporter like Bamberger at 

 develops a source, and that source later blows the story out of the water and makes a liar out of everyone involved. The PGA Tour’s policy is meant to preserve reputations and give players an easy out, but with the threat of leaks retroactively embarrassing them, I bet we’ll be getting more of the truth in the future.

: What’s interesting to me about the policy is that (in one pro’s opinion) the overwhelming majority of players do not like the policy, and the fact that the tour puts up with and enables behavior like DJ’s. While it may seem like this type of thing is pretty rare, I’m sure the clean players don’t like the cloud of suspicion that comes with a real actual injury that makes them miss a tournament.

: Not True, Not Funny. To be fair to Tiger, both of these statements are accurate. Jenkins’ SATIRICAL piece on Tiger was not true. It was also not funny. Jenkins is a legend, but this was far from his best work. Tiger’s reaction was a comically poor move, which makes me think that he has no one in his corner that has the ability to stand up to him and tell him no. He called attention to a piece that no one was probably going to even bat an eye at (Golf Digest didn’t even have it online until after Tiger’s letter). Jenkins’ piece is about Tiger being a dick, and Tiger responded by being a dick, and showed just how miniscule his sense of humor is.

: You almost have to laugh at Tiger and whichever agent or handler actually wrote this piece, but my laughter stops short when I realize the subtext of the whole thing, which is that they’d happily revoke certain important aspects of free speech and the free press if they had the chance. Satire is fair game, and always has been, and I thought it was so disingenuous for “Tiger” to write from this hurt, naive perspective, as though he had never even conceived of this kind of foul play. Deadspin had the 

, writing a satire using Woods’ infamous text messages to his mistress to 

 skewer him. But the letter from “Tiger” was just another example of corporate interests trying to police the tone of the golf media, and make life difficult for any writer who isn’t a natural-born lackey.

Patrick Reed Claims to be a Top 5 Player in the World

: Poor Reed. Even when the guy’s not being a villain, everybody’s ready to turn his words against him. I love the fact that Reed is winning golf tournaments and bringing a bit of spice to the golf world, and I hope he stays brash in the face of the avalanches of criticism that are coming his way. But he’s a clear case of a guy who can’t do anything right in the public eye. I thought the top-5 comment was presumptuous, but mostly harmless, and there were no real “victims.” My favorite part of the aftermath was learning that Henrik Stenson would go up to him on the range, watch him hit balls, and evaluate each shot, out loud, on whether it was top-5 quality or not.

: One of my favorite moments of the year. Reed stomps all over a ridiculous field in a World Golf Championship, then goes all Ricky Bobby on Steve Sands with no hesitation. I had no problem with Reed’s original statement, but once he started listing off his accomplishments, you could tell that he wasn’t nearly as confident in just letting his game do the talking. I’ve made it pretty clear that I’ve come around on Reed (complete overreaction to the Ryder Cup), but it was real hard to like him at the time (with the exception of the material he provided us). The scary thing is that I could see him rising into the top 10 category this coming year. Not bad for a guy I hadn’t heard of two years ago.

: I’m not going to defend what Reed said. As a professional golfer, he should be aware that his shots are going to be on TV, and that there are microphones all over the place. If you’re going to call yourself a top 5 player, you’re going to bring extra attention on yourself, so you need to be prepared to handle that. On the other hand, this was Reed talking to himself after a missed putt. It’s not the same as 

Kobe Bryant shouting this same slur 50 feet across the floor at another person

 (oops, this is one of those Kobe things we’re not allowed to talk about, are we?). Golfers talk to themselves, and say things that aren’t meant to be heard on TV. He just needs to take that word out of his vocabulary next time.

: Deep down in the recesses of my brain that rarely see the light of day in any published format, I’m so insanely sick of the liberal reactionaries that patrol the Internet looking to ruin the lives and careers of anyone who has an unfortunate moment that I feel like I’m turning into a Obama birther or something. The fact is, I can’t muster any outrage over this. I don’t care. I don’t care what Reed says in a moment of intense, self-directed anger, and I don’t think you can say that it reflects his worldview or anything like that—the dude just got lost in his emotions. I think the real lesson here is, like you said, microphone awareness. Also, what bothered me the most about this episode wasn’t the first part of what Reed said, but the second: “Go fucking hang yourself.” Underneath everything Reed does, there’s an intense sort of self-hatred that’s more disturbing than any one word he might say, and I feel like 

 might lead to something really unfortunate in his future.

Webb Simpson Texts His Way on the Ryder Cup Team

: The crux of how you feel about this story depends on how much Webb Simpson knew. He admitted at the Ryder Cup that Keegan Bradley had called him on Monday night letting him know that he (Keegan) had made the team, and in his comments about the texting incident on Tuesday morning, Simpson related how he told Watson that he knew he had a tough choice with a lot of good players, like “Kirk, Horschel, and Bill Haas.” We also know that Watson leaked his three original captain’s picks—Mahan, Bradley, and Haas—on Monday night, and that by Tuesday on the range at Denver, they were being discussed as a done deal. Which, to me, indicates that Simpson knew, probably from multiple sources, exactly who Watson had picked. And when he talked to him, the fact that he didn’t mention Bradley or Mahan as alternatives meant he knew they were safe picks, and that he was specifically targeting Bill Haas, the vulnerable third pick. It was a sneaky maneuver if so, and doubly so when you consider that Webb is a bible thumper who, in theory, shouldn’t be scheming at 4:30 a.m.on how to screw over a fellow golfer. Also, Watson is a bonehead for letting himself be convinced by text message.

: As a married, and very religious person, I wouldn’t expect Webb Simpson to be the master of the 4 AM text. As a bachelor myself who tends to overuse this move when too much of the sauce is consumed, it looks like I could learn from Webb on how to get the receiving party to actually respond, much less take you on all expenses paid golf trip across the pond. The part I love the most is when Watson doubled down on his horrific decision to take the struggling (but experienced!) Simpson and trot him out in the opening tee time. Simpson could have been taking a jackhammer to the first tee box and been shaking less than he was as he teed that ball up (still waiting on that tee shot to land by the way). What’s even more hilarious is that if we made a list of the top 5 blunders made by Tom Watson, I’m not even sure this would make the list. What do we think the odds were that Webb used emojis? I’m saying 1/3.

2014 Drama, Controversies, Feuds, and Rumors

The 2014-2015 resumes with its first event of 2015, featuring winners of PGA Tour events from 2014 at the Hyundai Tournament of Champions. Confused yet? Think of it this way. This tournament is the annual reminder of the names that you can’t believe won tournaments in 2014 (Steven Bowditch, Geoff Ogilvy, Tim Clark, Matt Every… Scott Stallings!?), and a sobering reminder that Tiger, Phil, Rickie, and Spieth all failed to qualify. The field this year is hilarious, and it includes only 1 of the top 10 players in the world (Gerry), and of course goes up against the NFL playoffs over the weekend. In its heyday, the event was known as the Mercedes Championship. The downgrade in field coincides perfectly with the sponsor downgrade to HYUNDAI (Hope You Understand Nothing’s Driveable And Inexpensive). Ladies and gentlemen, the 2015 season has officially begun!

The Plantation Course at Kapalua is perhaps the most unique golf course that is played on the PGA Tour circuit. While that may sound like praise, it is also one of the least popular courses amongst the tour players. In fact, in the tour players voted it as their 

Let’s face it: mountain golf sucks. A golf course was simply not meant to be built on this piece of land. The greens are some of the slowest on tour because the slope of them is so severe. The routing is enormous, and it contains dramatic views of the ocean, drastic elevation changes, and the widest fairways you will ever see. It plays over 7,400 yards, and oddly to a par 73. You’ll see some 400 yard drives, and some 130 yard 6 irons if the winds cooperate. Some of the distances between holes are so large that the players must ride in cars to get from green to tee box. While it is aesthetically pleasing, the bottom line is, the course just isn’t a great test of talent.

This event used to be something we looked forward to for months, as it was the true kickoff of the PGA Tour season. Now, it doesn’t stick out quite as much due to the fall series, but it still has its significance. You’re getting home from work, it’s dark, shitty outside, and you haven’t touched your sticks in a month and half. You flip on the tube and it’s golf porn from Hawaii. It’s shock value. It works. To a large extent, this is what the entire West Coast Swing is about – it’s like an antidepressant for Seasonal Affective Disorder. You flip it on and it warms your soul. For as poor of a test of golf as this course actually is, it plays fantastically on TV for the viewers.

The prime time television airing is great for the fans (except those of us that live in Europe), and you really do get the feeling that several of the players are just there to grab an easy paycheck and escape their families the winter back home. There’s something about seeing that solo patron around the fifth green that makes you question every decision you’ve made in life, as you just shoveled your driveway for the third time this week, and this guy with the button down short sleeve Hawaiian shirt is free on a Thursday to attend a PGA Tour event on a remote island in the Pacific with zero of his closest friends. But hey, at least you don’t have Island Fever.

Zach Johnson outlasted Spieth, and pulled it off with an excellent “Family Move” #TourSauce move (courtesy of 

The five years or so after the tournament moved from SoCal to Maui were the golden years. With Mercedes bankrolling the event, it was one of the premier stops on tour and had a certain aura about it. You didn’t hear quite as much bitching about the layout, the resort hadn’t gone through bankruptcy proceedings yet (Lehman Bros. went HAM on renovations in ’07), and year after year the winners were straight-up thoroughbreds: Duval, Big Cat, Furyk, Sergio, and Els those first five years in Hawaii. It was all downhill after that: Stu Appleby won three years in a row (’04-’06), Tiger stopped making the trip in ’05, and then the bottom fell out in ’08 when Daniel Chopra won and singlehandedly prompted Mercedes to drop their title sponsorship (just kidding, but that had to be a factor, right?).

Below is a fun video from the ’97 Mercedes Championship. First reaction… Mike Tirico! Second, check out the #TourSauce from Tiger right off the bat.

With 34 guys in the field, it’s impossible to find proper value. What makes this event even more difficult to handicap, is that it is difficult to evaluate who is bringing their family out there with them on their golf trip so that their wives let them play golf, and who is there to grind and stack that paper. That being said, here are three guys that are familiar names around here:

.” In a field that lacks a lot of emerging talent, Matsuyama’s name sticks out when you look at the odds sheet. Do people realize he’s the 16th ranked player in the world?

 – He’s been shredding some fresh pow-pow out in Colorado, so I can understand if his form isn’t at its peak (pun intended.) But his odds should be shorter in a 33 person field, especially when I can confidently cross off 10-ish names that do not have a chance to win this week. Plus, if he wins 3 starts in a row and I didn’t have him picked, I would be this guy:

 – Yes, I’m still overreacting from his three hot days of golf from over three months ago! I just think he’s going to bust out and win two more times this year, so why not take him at these odds in a small and weak field (and yes, I’m still an advocate for him for The Masters at 100/1.) He’s got that swagger back that I think he lost after he played poorly following the top-5 comments, and he’s gonna have some big weeks.

This overly pessimistic piece doesn’t mean I’m not jacked up that golf season is here. I’m in support of the fall series and the reacharound schedule, but I just don’t like the way the season seems to have three different start dates (the fall series, the Hyundai, and the day Big Cat shows up). I really think 2015 is going to be an enormous year for golf, for social media, and of course for #TourSauce. I just don’t get the feeling that this is really the kick-off.

Be prepared to hear a lot of Hawaiian music, shots of the Pacific Ocean, and cutaways to para gliders, beach goers, and jet skiers. Remember that the Golf Channel doesn’t have a whole lot of shots to show you, so there will be a plethora of less than stellar shots, a long with a lot of air time to fill. Whenever the first announcer “apologizes” for the weather you’re experiencing back east, finish your drink.

How many writers really need to be on site for a 33 person field? There was an excessive amount of pre-tournament flight complaints on twitter this week. Can someone please explain to me? I don’t bother telling my closest friends about a delayed flight. It happens to LITERALLY everyone that flies. Why the hell would one single one of your followers ever care about an update from your flight? How do we end this?

If you have any ideas of stuff you want to see in previews, send them our way. The previews are actually a lot harder to do than they seem, and can get boring, so we’re up for more ideas on what you guys wanna see.

2015 Hyundai Tournament of Champions Preview

The people have spoken. In an upset of epic Brad Stevens proportions, Patrick Reed battled from a middle seed to slay the dragon and win the #TourSauce of the year award, with this showcase of fury and frustration at the Ryder Cup in September. To see the field that he triumphed over and conquered on his march to the title, 

I think this award is more of an honor for his epic overall #TourSauce performance at the Ryder Cup. Patrick sprayed #TourSauce all over the PGA Tour this year at levels not ever seen before on this planet. To call him a sauce connoisseur would not do justice for the piping hot portions that he served on our platters during his epic 2014 campaign. A cook who specializes in making sauces is called a 

. As Reed seemingly created a new #TourSauce category on a weekly basis, I think this is a fair title to anoint him with in honor of this triumph.

Let’s hand it over to Patrick for his reaction to winning the first ever Saucies.

 for the contributions, and everyone else for voting and sharing.)

The Winner of the 2014 #Saucies

The #TourSauce has been sprayed all over the place in 2014. Back in January, we brought you 

 have taken their turn in stirring the sauce.

The first three rounds are in the books, and we’re ready to crown our champion. The duo that captured the hearts of tens of American fans awake watching the Ryder Cup are now going head to head to for #TourSauce’s most coveted title. The #Saucies.

We’ve already documented the cases for each sauce in 

, but we included them below as well, in case you are a new voter. Now we need your help crowning our champion.

Jordan Spieth’s Wayward Drive Point at Augusta

Spieth is a youngster in the game, but a seasoned vet when it comes to the sauce (as evidenced 

.) Spieth exudes emotion on the course, and he does this through a thorough marinating, rub, and basting process that had to have been a family sauce recipe that has been passed down for generations. He came in at #5 in Porter’s power rankings, and he sprayed his Texan BBQ Sauce all over the United States (and the world) on a weekly basis this past season.

The sauce above is the best because of the situation. This is the back 9 on Sunday at Augusta National. It’s one of the most famous holes in golf, and Gerry Lester Watson, Jr. had just hit a 363 yard fade around the corner and basically did the Michael Jordan shoulder shrug as he walked back to his bag. Jordan sets up for the big sweeping hook, but Dikembe Mutumbo thinks he blocked this thing. He then proceeds to go into a majorette routine with his driver as if he’s leading the band out of the tunnel at a UT football game.

I’ve looked more interested in a bad shot at my local muni than Spieth does here. THIS IS THE MASTERS. After dropping the baton, he gives a lazy Wayward Drive Point as if he’s already thrown in the towel. HE’S TWO SHOTS BACK AT THIS POINT. The double sauce combination of the Follow Through Club Throw and the point, along with the setting, makes this the sauce of the year for me.

The Case for the Tee Skip, from Chad Coleman (aka 

If you know me, you know I loooove me some Pat Reed sauce. I missed this shot live, but when I first laid eyes on this GIF, I knew immediately it would be in my all-time top-5. Let’s break it down:

He had just missed a short putt, and he was fuming, which is peak sauce time for P Reed. He’s running so hot that no matter what happens on this tee shot, he’s not gonna like it. He hits this drive so far and so straight that he does’t even have to watch it land to know it’s 30 yards past his competitor in the geometrical center of the fairway. “Hey Poults, feel free to use that tee – it should still have a little GOAT on it.”

For the closing act, and what’s probably my favorite part about this sauce, is the blatant disregard for any sort of club twirl after the swing. He doesn’t loosen the grip on his left hand until he goes to hand driver to his caddy, as if to say, “A club twirl is not worthy of that drive I just hit.” It’s not something you see every day, and that’s why it’s 100% clear to me that there’s nothing better to take home the trophy in the inaugural Saucies.

The #Saucies: 2014 #TourSauce of the Year: The Finals

I didn’t want to do this. I really didn’t. I know I way over do it with the Bubba stuff. I’ve accepted the role as the Czar in the fight against The Fraud, and with this job comes great responsibility. At times, I get tired of making jokes at his expense, but he just keeps making it easier and easier. When he released the Bubba Claus video on Tuesday, I was in shock. I didn’t think humans were capable of such horror. But I was specifically called out by Shane Bacon to write this, and I have a duty to maintain.

 doesn’t write a 2,000 word breakdown of the Bubba-Santa video, I will be officially disappointed.



— Shane Bacon (@shanebacon) 

These names will now forever be synonymous with ruining Christmas.

This video is the worst thing I’ve ever seen, and I made it halfway through “Failure to Launch.” Upon my first viewing, I was literally cringing in embarrassment for Gerry, despite the fact that I can’t stand the fact that he even exists. It’s possible to make a video that is so bad that it’s actually funny. The Golf Boys videos, despite not being funny at all, at least kind of embrace this mentality. But Bubba Claus? What the actual hell is Bubba going for? No seriously, I’m asking, because I’m offended. Not by the content of the video, but by the fact that this passes for entertainment in our society.

I can’t tell if he’s trying to be funny, trying to praise God, trying to self-promote, trying to generate buzz, or trying to make our ears and eyes bleed. I’m assuming that this is tied to some charitable cause, because the only thing Bubba loves more than berating fans for breathing within 50 yards of him during a backswing is the public recognition he gets for loudly boasting about his giving. Perhaps the most disturbing part of this video was reading the comments under Bubba’s tweet. The plebieans LOVED it. They legitimately thought it was hilarious.

Don’t get me wrong. Bubba has a LOT of fans. As many as anyone not named Big Cat. These are the same people that buy into his public persona act, and don’t see Gerry for 

. We’re talking about a guy that claims to be an everyman, yet 

 and stands as one of the least popular players in the PGA Tour locker room. But hey, he makes wacky videos on the internet, has a hovercraft, and hits it far! He’s a free spirit, you guys.

Damn you people, this is golf! Not a rock concert. Go back to your shanties.

Let’s go to the tape. (You’re damn right I’m breaking this down. Also, I hate myself for it. Damn you, Bacon.)

It starts with Bubba dressed as Santa, leading a duo of an elf and someone (I can only assume it’s Ted Scott) dressed in a Gumby outfit. They’re in a studio singing “Hallelujah” on repeat. I present Exhibit A in the case of the fraud committed by Gerry Lester Watson, Jr. Bubba, the boistrious Christian (that acts anything but Christian on the golf course), uses a song that translates to “Praise Ye Lord” in a video before cutting that song to get to his narcissitic, egotistical self-promotion. In this opening, he is so disgusted by the beautiful voices of the (fake) choir singing this classic song, that he must stop them, and go into a vomit inducing rap about absolutely nothing. Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Christ, is about to turn into the Bubba Watson show. For a man who once claimed that 2014 was “A year of rejoicing,” it turns into this:

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the Bubba Claus

Richard Dietsch of Sports Illustrated loves to set the over/under of “me” or “I” references in a Skip Bayless column around 22.5 usually. Well get your counter ready, because we’re at 4 references, and that’s not even counting the 3rd person use of Bubba Claus. Remember, (I think) this is supposed to be about GIVING.

What was supposed to rhyme with Claus? Bag, or toys? What the actual hell is going on here?

I have absolutely no interest in knowing what’s in your bag.

I remember Christmas growing up in Bagdad,

Mama in the kitchen got food in the stove,

Sister in the living room playin on the flo’

Food IN the stove. That’s an actual lyric. Apparently you put food in the stove in Bagdad.

We’re on verse two, and I think we’ve officially already given up on any attempts at rhyming.

Apparently even though Bubba, his sister, and his dad are all in the same living room, only Bubba and his Dad are chillin.

There’s a cut to a shot of a sign that says “Hometown of Bubba Watson.” What are the odds that Bubba made Ted personally hang this sign? 1/100? And how badly do you think Bubba whipped Ted in the leg with the back end of his wedge for not putting his name in bold font?

 The BubbaClause video is the worst thing ever to come out of Baghdad. 

I used to hit the golf course take me a swing

Kids in their room they can’t even go to sleep

Cuz they know I’m coming through puttin gifts under the tree

So we go from Bubba in his living room, to him now golfing, to something about him getting clubs, to kids sleeping, to…. him delivering presents? How is it possible that this video is getting worse. WHY AM I TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF THIS!? Damn you, Bacon.

I might come deliver gifts on my John Deere

But I’m checkin my list it’s Bubba Claus

He rhymed deer with…. Deere. John Deere should be suing for defamation, libel, and conspiracy to commit fraud.

Bubba thinks he and Kevin Durant are friends 

because he gave Bubba a pair of shoes once

I gotta thank God, he’s the reason I made it

I thank him everyday for the moves that I make

Thank you baby Jesus, he was born in a manger

Because he knew when I was born, I was gonna be the savior

So we’re gonna go back to preaching now. Wait, did Gerry just say that HE is the savior!?

Thank you for my clothes and my shoes on my feet

Thank you for my kids and the food that we eat

Thank you for my wife and our house that we sleep

I wake up every day and put it on repeat.

At this point, you could honestly make the case that he actually just used a random word generator to make this thing. The biggest question I have is, what did Bubba do when he saw the final cut? Do you think he actually like, stacked some papers on the desk, filed them away, gave some high fives, and walked out like this?

Bacon, the blood is on your hands. You made me do this.

How Bubba Stole Christmas

 is in the books, as is Round 2. It’s time to get Jim Nantz away from his Netflix marathons, and put on the suit and tie for the final four. Cast your votes below for Round 3, and help us crown the best #TourSauce of 2014. (As always, thanks to 

We’re doing things a little differently in this round. We’ve invoked the help of some #TourSauce enthusiasts (Kyle Porter, Chad Coleman, and Adam Sarson), and allowed them to pick their favorite sauce, and make the case for why their sauce should win.

If you had to pick one player at the beginning of the year to win a #TourSauce bracket, Matt Kuchar might be the last guy mentioned, which is why he needs to win after he sprayed sauce all over the Centenary Course at Gleneagles.

Justin Bourne, a colleague of mine and frequent reader of NLU, suggested 

back in March that Kuchar is a human fanny pack

, and really, there’s never been a more accurate description of a human being. Bad shots at the worst times have provoked such filthy language as 

, plus he usually dresses like Stevie Wonder gave him colour recommendations. We’ve all heard stories about how much of a ball buster Kuchar is and that he’s a legitimately funny guy, but to date, Kuchar’s crowning achievement in not looking awkward on the course is 

looking slightly more coordinated than Tiger.

The best part of Kuchar’s moment at the Ryder Cup was that it wasn’t like he pulled off one of the standard #TourSauce staples. Anyone can drop a club, blame a spike mark after a bad putt or look incredibly confused with the wind after their ball lands ten yards short of the green, but Kuchar actually thought to autograph a ball for an American fan after one of the rare moments where someone from Team USA won a hole at Gleneagles. Part of me thinks that Kuchar planned it beforehand just like he did with his Tiger celebration, but does that make it any less amazing? No, it doesn’t.

Ian Poulter or Billy Horschel pulls that off? Sure. Matt Kuchar? I still can’t believe it happened, and that is why he should be the first ever winner of the #Saucies.

I have made a mistake, guys. I didn’t include Patrick Reed 

in my very first #TourSauce power rankings

Now there are good reasons for this — the foremost of which is that I wasn’t aware of how little Reed’s sauce moments stick out because he essentially does them all the time.

When you look at a guy like Justin Rose or Henrik Stenson it’s jarring when they exude sauce because they don’t live and breathe it. Reed does. I didn’t realize it at the time but Patrick Reed is basically just a walking 200-lb (?) iron-flushing bowl of sauce.

The reason I imagine Reed is such a forerunner for saucy moments is because I think he actually has a little sauce angel inside his head at all times. Take this shot for example. He hits it, holds the pose, and the angel takes over….

“Pat, you [expletive], that was pure. The love child of Jack and Tiger couldn’t strike a ball like that. You’re the best [expletive] ball-striker on the planet. The United States should have sent you over alone to play all 28 matches of the Ryder Cup and made you captain as well. The president is going to name you the next Maintenance Man General because that was absolutely

. Run after it, you bastard, run after it, RUN!”

And then we see Reed chase the thing like he’s trying to hold the last 50M of a straightaway on a 200M dash with Tyson Gay.

There are former kings of Scotland who used to strike pieces of rubber with glorified tree branches who didn’t throw this much sauce off the coast of the North Sea.

My error will be amended in 2015, no doubt, and Reed will keep spraying sauce whenever his sauce angel tells him to. He’s the clear-cut winner of the first ever Saucies.

The #Saucies: 2014 #TourSauce of the Year: The Final Four

If you haven’t noticed, it’s been awhile since we dropped any type of somewhat serious golf analysis. I recently moved overseas to Holland, and have been trying to get used to a new country, continent, culture, time zone, and language (Mijn Nederlands is nog niet zo goed, maar Ik ben het aan het leren.) It’s been a lot harder to keep up with the day to day golf news, and even harder to keep up with coverage with a faulty slingbox, lack of DVR capability, and a full slate of European cities that I’m spraying my own #TourSauce in over the weekends. I figured the best way to get caught up would be a mailbag, so let’s go.

 What are your top story lines going into 2015? Rory at Augusta? The rise of players under 30? Tiger playing a full schedule?



— Atch (@tomatchison05) 

For as dull as the first half of 2014 was, it finished with a fury (

). Think about it. Through June we had a list of winners that included Steven Bowditch, Seung Yul-Noh, and Scott Stallings (remember him?). Gerry Lester Watson, Jr. won the Masters over the prodigal son, Jordan Spieth, and Martin Kaymer boatraced the field at the US Open. We couldn’t buy a storyline. Enron investors circa 2001 think the timing of the launch of nolayingup.com (January 2014) was terrible.

Then came the summer of Rory. Rickie and Sergio went toe to toe with him at Liverpool, and Phil joined Rickie trying to Val-halla at him in Kentucky at the PGA. Horschel’s putter finally thawed out, and he balled out on his way to $13.4 million in a three week stretch. Brooks Koepka won in Turkey. And while the US got predictably pounded in the Ryder Cup (cut to a shot of the ’04 and ’06 US teams saluting Tom Watson’s effort), Patrick Reed brought himself from being a meme to being the man. Reed even managed to light a fire under Spieth’s ass, and he came to life with two wins to close the year….. (

Writing

2015 Sony Open Preview

2015 Hyundai Tournament of Champions Recap

2014 Drama, Controversies, Feuds, and Rumors

2015 Hyundai Tournament of Champions Preview

The Winner of the 2014 #Saucies

The #Saucies: 2014 #TourSauce of the Year: The Finals

How Bubba Stole Christmas

The #Saucies: 2014 #TourSauce of the Year: The Final Four

NLU December Mailbag

The #Saucies: 2014 #TourSauce of the Year: Elite 8

Tiger's New But Old Swing

The #Saucies: 2014 #TourSauce of the Year: Round 1

2014 Golf Tweets of the Year

#TourSauce: How to Act Like a Tour Pro, Part IV

How to Trash Talk on the Links

Scott Langley: YOTTO Candidate

Brooks Koepka: YOTTO Candidate

Ryder Cup: Day One-Hitters