The #TourSauce has been sprayed all over the place in 2014. Back in January, we brought you How to Act Like a Tour Pro, Part I, then followed it with Part II, Part III, and finally, Part IV. Kyle Porter has given you the #TourSauce Power Rankings. Adam Sarson has a #TourSauce GIF collection. Even tour pros Scott Langley and Billy Horschel have taken their turn in stirring the sauce.
Round 1 of the #Saucies is in the books, as is Round 2. It’s time to get Jim Nantz away from his Netflix marathons, and put on the suit and tie for the final four. Cast your votes below for Round 3, and help us crown the best #TourSauce of 2014. (As always, thanks to Adam Sarson for the GIF’s).
We’re doing things a little differently in this round. We’ve invoked the help of some #TourSauce enthusiasts (Kyle Porter, Chad Coleman, and Adam Sarson), and allowed them to pick their favorite sauce, and make the case for why their sauce should win.
Jordan Spieth’s Wayward Drive Point at Augusta
Matt Kuchar’s Autograph After Hole Out
The Case for Spieth, from Soly:
Spieth is a youngster in the game, but a seasoned vet when it comes to the sauce (as evidenced here.) Spieth exudes emotion on the course, and he does this through a thorough marinating, rub, and basting process that had to have been a family sauce recipe that has been passed down for generations. He came in at #5 in Porter’s power rankings, and he sprayed his Texan BBQ Sauce all over the United States (and the world) on a weekly basis this past season.
The sauce above is the best because of the situation. This is the back 9 on Sunday at Augusta National. It’s one of the most famous holes in golf, and Gerry Lester Watson, Jr. had just hit a 363 yard fade around the corner and basically did the Michael Jordan shoulder shrug as he walked back to his bag. Jordan sets up for the big sweeping hook, but Dikembe Mutumbo thinks he blocked this thing. He then proceeds to go into a majorette routine with his driver as if he’s leading the band out of the tunnel at a UT football game.
I’ve looked more interested in a bad shot at my local muni than Spieth does here. THIS IS THE MASTERS. After dropping the baton, he gives a lazy Wayward Drive Point as if he’s already thrown in the towel. HE’S TWO SHOTS BACK AT THIS POINT. The double sauce combination of the Follow Through Club Throw and the point, along with the setting, makes this the sauce of the year for me.
The Case for Kuchar, from Adam Sarson:
If you had to pick one player at the beginning of the year to win a #TourSauce bracket, Matt Kuchar might be the last guy mentioned, which is why he needs to win after he sprayed sauce all over the Centenary Course at Gleneagles.
Justin Bourne, a colleague of mine and frequent reader of NLU, suggested back in March that Kuchar is a human fanny pack, and really, there’s never been a more accurate description of a human being. Bad shots at the worst times have provoked such filthy language as “Oh, sugar” and “Golly, Matty”, plus he usually dresses like Stevie Wonder gave him colour recommendations. We’ve all heard stories about how much of a ball buster Kuchar is and that he’s a legitimately funny guy, but to date, Kuchar’s crowning achievement in not looking awkward on the course is looking slightly more coordinated than Tiger.
The best part of Kuchar’s moment at the Ryder Cup was that it wasn’t like he pulled off one of the standard #TourSauce staples. Anyone can drop a club, blame a spike mark after a bad putt or look incredibly confused with the wind after their ball lands ten yards short of the green, but Kuchar actually thought to autograph a ball for an American fan after one of the rare moments where someone from Team USA won a hole at Gleneagles. Part of me thinks that Kuchar planned it beforehand just like he did with his Tiger celebration, but does that make it any less amazing? No, it doesn’t.
Ian Poulter or Billy Horschel pulls that off? Sure. Matt Kuchar? I still can’t believe it happened, and that is why he should be the first ever winner of the #Saucies.
Patrick Reed’s “Chase”
Patrick Reed Skipping the Tee Grab
The Case for the Chase, from Kyle Porter:
I have made a mistake, guys. I didn’t include Patrick Reed in my very first #TourSauce power rankings.
Now there are good reasons for this — the foremost of which is that I wasn’t aware of how little Reed’s sauce moments stick out because he essentially does them all the time.
When you look at a guy like Justin Rose or Henrik Stenson it’s jarring when they exude sauce because they don’t live and breathe it. Reed does. I didn’t realize it at the time but Patrick Reed is basically just a walking 200-lb (?) iron-flushing bowl of sauce.
The reason I imagine Reed is such a forerunner for saucy moments is because I think he actually has a little sauce angel inside his head at all times. Take this shot for example. He hits it, holds the pose, and the angel takes over….
“Pat, you [expletive], that was pure. The love child of Jack and Tiger couldn’t strike a ball like that. You’re the best [expletive] ball-striker on the planet. The United States should have sent you over alone to play all 28 matches of the Ryder Cup and made you captain as well. The president is going to name you the next Maintenance Man General because that was absolutely flush. Run after it, you bastard, run after it, RUN!”
And then we see Reed chase the thing like he’s trying to hold the last 50M of a straightaway on a 200M dash with Tyson Gay.
There are former kings of Scotland who used to strike pieces of rubber with glorified tree branches who didn’t throw this much sauce off the coast of the North Sea.
My error will be amended in 2015, no doubt, and Reed will keep spraying sauce whenever his sauce angel tells him to. He’s the clear-cut winner of the first ever Saucies.
The Case for the Tee Skip, from Chad Coleman (aka @HashtagChad):
If you know me, you know I loooove me some Pat Reed sauce. I missed this shot live, but when I first laid eyes on this GIF, I knew immediately it would be in my all-time top-5. Let’s break it down:
He had just missed a short putt, and he was fuming, which is peak sauce time for P Reed. He’s running so hot that no matter what happens on this tee shot, he’s not gonna like it. He hits this drive so far and so straight that he does’t even have to watch it land to know it’s 30 yards past his competitor in the geometrical center of the fairway. “Hey Poults, feel free to use that tee – it should still have a little GOAT on it.”
For the closing act, and what’s probably my favorite part about this sauce, is the blatant disregard for any sort of club twirl after the swing. He doesn’t loosen the grip on his left hand until he goes to hand driver to his caddy, as if to say, “A club twirl is not worthy of that drive I just hit.” It’s not something you see every day, and that’s why it’s 100% clear to me that there’s nothing better to take home the trophy in the inaugural Saucies.
(Cover photo courtesy of www.weiunderpar.com)