This originally appeared in the March 28th, 2025 edition of the No Laying Up newsletter. Sign up here to receive essays like this one and other musings directly in your inbox.
A few words — if you’ll allow me — regarding this picture.
In 1996, shortly after his son turned professional, Earl Woods gave a quote to Sports Illustrated that is among the most ridiculous things ever uttered about a professional athlete. It was not possible to go viral 29 years ago; the internet was but a small part of how we consumed sports back then. But Earl Woods went whatever the 1996 equivalent of going viral would be. The following quote was everywhere, and what makes it even more insane, looking back now, is there was a serious debate about whether Earl might possibly be right.
"Tiger will do more than any other man in history to change the course of humanity," Earl Woods said.
The father was not referencing the impact his son would have on sports. He was not predicting that Tiger would be a cultural giant like Jackie Robinson or Muhammad Ali or Arthur Ashe. He was, without hesitation or apology, going even further, predicting that Tiger would change the destiny of the entire human race.
The writer, Gary Smith, a legendary profiler for Sports Illustrated, wanted to make certain he understood Earl correctly. Was he saying he would be more important than Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, or even Buddha?
"Yes, because he has a larger forum than any of them,” Earl Woods said. “Because he's playing a sport that's international. Because he's qualified through his ethnicity to accomplish miracles. He's the bridge between the East and the West. There is no limit because he has the guidance. I don't know yet exactly what form this will take. But he is the Chosen One. He'll have the power to impact nations. Not people. Nations. The world is just getting a taste of his power."
Nearly three decades later, we can say with some certainty that it did not play out that way. Tiger Woods was — as expected — great at golf. But he was not as influential or as popular as Jesus Christ, Muhammed, or even Albert Einstein, among others. Earl Woods wanted things for his son that the son did not actually want, and nearly every stage of his career has been a reminder of that subtle rejection.
What we can say about him, I think, definitively at this point, is that he is the most successful version of Florida Man who has ever lived. The hard launch of his new relationship with Vanessa Trump last week, punctuated by that bizarre picture in the hammock, was all the reminder we needed.
It’s true that Tiger Woods was born and raised in California and that he was educated at Stanford (at least for a couple of years). Normally, those two facts would seemingly disqualify him from entering the Florida Man Hall of Fame.
A true Florida Man, however, cannot be defined by his origins.
In fact, it is a bonus when a Florida Man is not originally from Florida because it means he is a summation of his choices; he has adopted this life — this religion — instead of merely being born into it.
So, what exactly defines a Florida Man? The criteria are fluid, but some things feel non-negotiable. You should own (or at minimum lease) a boat. You should have at least one ex-wife. Your back and your knees should hurt, at least a little.
What happened, people might ask? Life happened, man.
No one should be surprised if they see you wearing socks with sandals. You’ll wear sunglasses most of the time, which means you will squint in pictures when you’re not wearing them. Your hair should be a little thinner than you might like, but you can’t bear to say goodbye to it just yet. You grow an occasional goatee when you’re on leave from your job. Your friends should all have nicknames, like Strick or Steiny or J.T., and there should be at least one mugshot on your resume.
You do your best to be a good dad, despite it all.
A Florida Man’s dating history might admittedly be a little messy. The neighbors or other parents at youth sports events might gossip. But a true Florida Man knows that no one should be defined by their past.
This, after all, is the land of reinvention, of forgiveness, of third and fourth chances.
Tiger Woods did not want to be the most influential human to ever walk the earth. He wanted to kick ass at golf, and he did that. Will he be that person again? It’s unlikely, but who can say.
For now, he seems content to pose for pictures with his new girlfriend in a hammock, then release them to the world while at the same time asking for privacy.
This is the way of the Florida Man. He is not searching. He’s just living day to day.
We wish him well.