A countdown of the 10 most intolerable endorsement decisions made by current players on Tour. These guys sacrificed dignity in the name of dollar bills…

10) Padraig Harrington – I hate to start this list by kicking a guy who is already down (and a good guy at that), but I suppose I could have had him higher on this list. GoFuzed.com? What in the sweet f**k is that? Now he’s coupled it with the bespectacled look as well as routinely posting ugly looking numbers. Paddy is starting to appear downright embarrassing. Funny caveat: he used to rep FTI, a global consulting firm with deep pockets. My Auntie mistakenly thought it stood for F**k the Irish, I am unsure why that is pertinent information but thought it was a humorous coincidence. Its tough enough repping Wilson clubs (I mean, seriously…). We need Paddy to start working things out, visit an ophthalmologist, and get back on board with FTI.

GoFuzed = Enterprise Social Knowledge Management. GO FIGURE! 9) Ben Curtis – Unfortunately for Ben, this list, as well as the list for worst Major winners of all time, are the only Top 10’s he will be seeing anytime soon. The NFL logos were pure idiocy. Could he seriously not get a random run of the mill clothing company to shoot him a couple Polo’s to get him through the season? I refuse to believe somebody was paying him to wear those. To make matters worse, the guy didn’t even have a team he was loyal to. He would rotate the team depending on proximity to where the particular event was being held, a blatant attempt to win the crowd. That’s all-time douchebaggery. I’m still not over that pumpkin-orange tarp he rocked to win The Open either.

Dude is a Cleveland Browns fan and he’s decked out in Steelers gear here. Unreal.

8) Patrick Reed – I wanted him further down the list because his Team TaxSlayer jersey essentially spawned this entire article, but it’s a stiff competition out there on tour. I can’t think of a more awkward endorsement on Tour right now. What are you Patrick, a walking fraud charge? The choke chain crucifix is such an odious style crime it may deserve some space devoted entirely to it. We joked here at NLU that if “Top Five” a) starts packing the baby weight with Justine, or b) swells up in the midsummer heat, he may be an extreme asphyxiation risk. Not to worry though, TaxSlayer will make sure his terminal tax bill and estate proceedings are in order.


7) Tiger Woods – I am an unabashed Big Feline lover and this spot on the list is not so much for an awful endorsement, but a curious one. For years Steve Williams was toting the Buick bag and I always found it to be a real disconnect between the endorser and the endorsee. There is a 0% chance that Tiger was rolling around in any of Buick’s models. Buick shamelessly roped Eldrick into pimping a Rendezvous in virtually all of their TV spots, but I am quite certain that fateful Thanksgiving night accident in 2009 proved otherwise (although surprisingly he stayed within the General Motors family). I know for years Buick had an outstanding relationship with the PGA Tour, but still who can imagine Tiger mulling over whether to take the kids to school in the Regal or the LeSabre? That’s right, nobody. It’s a sham, and one that needs to be called out.

Looks good on you though, Big Cat!

6) Woody Austin – Man, I love me some Woody Austin. But Team Tabasco was an abomination. Lest we forget, WOODY AUSTIN WON A PGA GOLF TOURNAMENT IN 2013. That point does not have any relevance in this article, but still, it’s worth noting. It still astounds me, good for Woody! Back to Team Tabasco, I have no particular issue with Tabasco, a great American family dynasty (see 60 minutes piece). It’s a recognizable brand with a savory niche in the marketplace, but those shirts! They were just a heinous article of clothing (although they were supremely perfect on Steve Pate back in the day). I cannot and will not approve. I will, however, approve of watching Woody defend his illustrious 2013 Sanderson Farms Classic this Fall. That’s must see TV.

Great American, suspect style. 5) Rory Sabbatini – This acknowledgement is not so much regarding endorsements but style in general. Rory endorses the highly respected and recognizable Taylor Made brand. How such an appreciated brand would allow this individual to wear those insufferable cowboy hats is beyond me. I know, he has since moved on from the cowboy hat and only deploys it sporadically but I am unwilling to issue a pass. Partly because it looks ridiculous but also more so because I think Rory may be my least liked person in all of professional sports. Oh, and Sabo used to have Nerf as his bag sponsor, Woof.

At least we’re post-cowboy hat. 3 (tie)) Trevor Immelman and Kenny Perry – Team Transitions! Full disclaimer: my father has long been a user of Transitions lenses so I have long been a follower of Kenny and Trevor and their respective careers. Aside from the worst Masters in history for T-Rev and a few near misses at Majors for KP and a breakthrough on the Champions Tour, they haven’t given us much except a TON of career earnings…but they have given us this:
Quite possibly the most played advertisement on Golf Channel not related to erectile dysfunction. Watch and marvel in its glory as Kenny goes 9-ball center pocket and T-Rev re-aggravates that wrist injury flipping burgers for the family (watch out for that flame T-Rev!). I have seen this ad so many times I am beginning to resent my own Father and his decade long loyalty to Transitions.2) Briny Baird – Scratch that comment about Tiger having the endorsement with the biggest disconnect from the athlete endorsing. The P.F. Chang’s/Briny Baird relationship makes zero sense whatsoever. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when the suits at P.F. Changs were deliberating on who to endorse.

“OK guys we are down to our final four nominees, and since there’s not any golfers of Chinese descent old enough to endorse us:
KJ Choi: Respected veteran of South Korean descent. Stout stature and looks like he can really mangle some ginger beef.
Y.E. Yang: Also Korean, and has that pelt from when he took down The Big Cat in a Major. That is unprecendented, could be a great fit for us.
Kiradech Aphibarnrat: A bona fide weapon of mass consumption.
Briny Baird: Perhaps the whitest guy on Tour. Nothing against Briny personally, but there exists no tie whatsoever to gourmet Chinese food. He’s like an upper middle class version of Skip Kendall – rakes cash and carves out a living without challenging for real titles.
I just don’t get it. But hey, be sure to cash in on your free lettuce wraps if you haven’t already

1) Five Hour Furyk – Who am I kidding; this list begins and ends with Five Hour Furyk. I am certain there is not a worse company/player endorsement fit on Tour than Furyk with 5 Hour Energy. There is NOTHING that emits any notion of energy watching Five Hour trudge his way around the golf course. Further, Jimbo surely needs a top up at the turn because there is no chance in hell he gets through a round in five hours with his insane pre-putt routine. He is insufferable. But there is more than just the 5 Hour Energy disconnect. I have long noticed that Jim is the master of the khaki pant with a white golf shirt look. That scheme has never and will never work and Jim shamelessly goes to it every time the thermometer goes above 90 like he’s some sort of geriatric. There is no place for Jim anywhere on this list other than top spot. Five Hour, we salute you!


By no means is this an all-encompassing list, as there’s just so many criminally tacky endorsements floating around in this sport.

Please feel free to leave examples of any egregious endorsements from the past or any current players who you feel should’ve made the list) in the comments section.