The major championship season is over, and forgive me if I’m not jacked up about the “PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG” ski-mask style money grab that is the FedEx Cup. I’m in full Ryder Cup mode, even though we’re a full five weeks away from the opening ceremony. Rather than try to predict what hole Ian Poulter will be closing Patrick Reed out on, we’re coming up with an NLU original: Intro music for all 12 U.S. Ryder Cuppers. We’ve only got 9 guarantees at this point, so we’ll start there.
Of course this exercise is not realistic, but if there ever were an event where a player would have his own MLB-style walk up music, it would be the Ryder Cup. Despite hating not being fond of either guy, this was probably the coolest golf moment I’ve ever witnessed in person. Tell me this doesn’t give you chills:
So let’s imagine that each player get’s their own song as they tee up the ball at Gleneagles:
Bubba Watson – Bruce Springsteen: “Born in the U.S.A.”
Hopefully at least some of you are already yelling at your computer screen about how this song is the exact opposite of patriotism. Although it’s constantly used as an anthem of sorts amongst ignorant Americans, it’s actually a song about the negative effects of the Vietnam War. So who better to play the role of ignorant American than….. THE IGNORANT AMERICAN!? Seriously, I can see Bubba strutting to the first tee with that goofy, cocky smile, blasting this song and keeping up his charade as a “good ole boy” while wearing his $500,000 watch, while having no idea that the song is actually nothing like it appears to be on the outside…. just like Bubba!
Jim Furyk – Coldplay: “Clocks”
This works on several levels. The parallels are uncanny. Both Furyk and Coldplay have been around since the mid-90’s, have made a shit ton of money in their careers, and both have weird fan bases that you would never want hang with on a Friday night. And while the clock is ticking on Jim’s career as a perennial PGA Tour winner, he’s also most likely to go into the “Four Corners” offense and try to run out the clock on the Ryder Cup as darkness threatens while he lines up his putt on the 13th green. He’s hanging on tight to this last chance a Ryder Cup redemption. Also, I pretty much guarantee this guy loves Coldplay.
Keegan Bradley – Riff Raff: “Tip Towing in My Jawdinz”
He’s not on the team yet, but chances are Keegan will be Lefty’s a Captain’s selection. And he rocks Jordans. And he’s got the weirdest pre-shot routine ever:
Someone had to. @Keegan_Bradley tip toe-ing in his Jordan's https://t.co/LIjqxA31Sk (cc: @BriceBonner, @JasonDufner)
— No Laying Up (@NoLayingUp) July 30, 2014
Jimmy Walker – The Who: “Who Are You”
Despite three wins this year, does anyone know anything about this guy other than that he is somehow less intimidating than Matt Kuchar? Even his sponsor, Insperity, (never heard of them either until I looked them up just now, but based on my quick website research, they are an Outsourced, Cloud Based Human Resources software solution. I guess they’re like an older, less sexy WorkDay (if WorkDay was sexy), which seems very very fitting, but I digress). I’m picturing the Euro fans when his name is announced on the first tee going all Liam Neeson in Taken. “I don’t know who you are…..”
Patrick Reed – Aloe Blacc: “I’m the Man”
This is the easiest of the entire list. After going all Ricky Bobby after his win at the WGC-Cadillac Championship in March, you may remember this vine…
Here's a sneak peek at the new Beats by Dre commercial featuring the Richard Sherman of the PGA Tour, Patrick Reed https://t.co/bU9BJRAbJv
— No Laying Up (@NoLayingUp) March 10, 2014
… Please keep in mind, PReed actually told the CBS guys that this one of the songs he listens to on the range.
Yeah so @NoLayingUp called the “You’re the Man” song on Wednesday for Patrick Reed. You win, sir, you win it all.
— Shane Bacon (@shanebacon) April 11, 2014
Phil Mickelson – The Script: “Standing in the Hall of Fame”
It’s back! What better way to remind us of Phil’s run at the 2014 PGA Championship than the song that made us want to try to forget it. As the only player that is actually in the Hall of Fame that will be playing in this event, it’s easy to picture Phil swashbuckling his way to the first tee with a wry smile on his face to this jam though it is safe to say he won’t be wearing an Omega watch.
Phil birdies the first! A reminder to Rory that he's already…. https://t.co/W0eFAXeQ4A
— No Laying Up (@NoLayingUp) August 10, 2014
Matt Kuchar – Los del Rio: “The Macarena”
For a jolly guy Adam Sarson described him as “Human Fanny Pack,” only a viral, family friendly classic will do. Supposedly Kuch is said to have an incredible sense of humor, but I’m sure you can picture him doing a few of the Macarena moves with the ‘Gee Golly’ smile and overzealous wave to the crowd.
Jordan Spieth – Madonna: “Like a Virgin”
Though Spieth is hardly a virgin to wearing the American flag in team competition, the Ryder Cup pressure can not be simulated in a President’s Cup match against Brendon de Jonge. As the first rookie on the list, and the youngest player on the team by far, he gets to pop his Ryder Cup cherry to this song as a sort of awkward hazing, likely bestowed upon him by Phil.
Rickie Fowler – O-Town: “All or Nothing”
For a guy who looks like he should be in a boy band, and who likely is pulling boy band type ass, we’re going with a classic. It’s been the year of almost for Rickie, so now he either needs to carry this U.S. team to a victory (All), or risk his season being remembered as what could have been (Nothing).
Zach Johnson – Evanescance: “Bring Me to Life”
With one top-10 since March (at the John Deere Classic, basically his Super Bowl), we can’t actually confirm that ZJ is alive. This will be his fourth Ryder Cup team with all of them losing efforts. It’s time for ZJ to reaffirm the pledge, and come back to life.
What Else folks? Send us your walk-up song ideas, especially any related to your to captain’s picks.