In case you don’t follow any golf-related people on Twitter, allow me to tell you this week the PGA held its annual merchandise extravaganza down in Florida. Featuring over 1,000 exhibitors crammed into the Orlando Convention Center, it’s a cornucopia of everything and anything you could ever imagine related to the game. Many exhibitors use the show to unveil their latest and greatest products, producing a certain level of buzz around equipment, gizmos, or gadgets.

This year, however, perhaps the biggest buzz was created by Mark King, outspoken TaylorMade CEO, as he publicly outlined company-sponsored initiatives designed to grow interest in the game. As James Achenbach details in his Golfweek.com article, “

King: Bigger Cup, Larger Ball Can Grow Golf

,” the specifics of these initiatives involve enlarging the cup, enlarging the ball, and providing people oversized equipment with which to whack said big balls.

How big does King propose the cup be made? Achenbach notes in his article the plan is for:

“a 15-inch cup. The normal cup is 4.25 inches in diameter, so the 15-inch version tends to look like a wash tub to most players.”

Achenbach describes King’s dystopia idea further saying people would use:

“a new ball and new clubs invented by TaylorMade engineers. The ball is oversized, and so are the clubheads (the set includes only four clubs, one of them a putter).”

Where would people play this version of ‘golf?’ Achenbach writes,

“King said about a dozen courses are poised to immediately install the larger cups. Many more courses, and golf-course management companies, have expressed interest.



The plan at this point is to cut two cups on every green: standard and oversized.”

I would appreciate TaylorMade’s efforts to “grow the game” if I didn’t believe they were just completely transparent attempts to drive sales. I get it, though. King’s the CEO of a public company (subsidiary of a public-company to be exact), and public companies have numbers to meet. But damn, what he’s proposing isn’t golf, it’s a mutant, bastardized version of the grand game. Baseball played with oversized balls and oversized equipment isn’t baseball, it’s freaking softball.

Really, and at the risk of proselytizing like some morally-superior schwaldo, I think this idea only gets past the ‘Horrendous Idea by Overwrought Focus Group’ stage because 

as a society have a heightened need for instant gratification. It’s endemic of the way things are; people have too many distractions, too much rushing around to do. We’re all on the move all the time, if only in our own minds. We don’t have the desire to hone a craft. We don’t have the patience to build requisite skills. We want things distilled down for easier, faster consumption. We want to play golf well without having to struggle to play golf well.

Successful companies are successful for a reason, though. Namely, they market and deliver what people want. So I’m terrified that people actually want this.

 want this and it’s actually going to be a thing, dear God, please don’t bring this freak show to actual courses. Raise up a Big-Top and run this circus far away from golf sanctuaries. The last thing I need is to be grinding over my birdie double-bogey putt and worrying about how I’m going to circumnavigate a f*ing bathtub-sized crater in front of me because some jolly dipshit got snookered by the merry hucksters of ‘Corporate Golf’ to bat around an overstuffed ball with humongous freaking clubs for a few hours and pretend they’re golfing.

Golf is the continual reach for perfection, knowing it’s not attainable, but savoring the winding journey nonetheless. (You bet that’s a life metaphor!). Leave the damn game alone. And get off my damn lawn.

This Guy Has a Terrible Idea

The Farmers Insurance Open is back at Torrey Pines this week, and San Diego fans have been provided with more excitement at their professional tournaments in the last decade or so than perhaps at any other course in the country. Good for San Diego-ans though, because they clearly have it pretty tough out there:

In their defense, they did have to sit through 6 years of Norv Turner, and have a baseball ballpark where hitter’s careers go to die. But once a year the Farmer’s comes around, and there is almost always drama on the finishing hole at Torrey Pines, a true risk/reward par 5 that separates the NLU favorites from the pretenders.

Before we get to the putt heard round the world, there was this from the 3rd round of the 2008 U.S. Open. A winding 30 footer for eagle to take the lead going into Sunday:

 to this crowd. I’ve never heard a crowd sound so loud through the television:

Then of course came Sunday. The Big Cat draining this 12 footer to force a playoff with Rocco Mediate:

(I’m pretty sure Ahmad Rashad has confiscated every possible good clip of this off youtube, and keeps it for himself, watching it nightly before going to bed.)

The shot that almost was. Trailing Bubba Watson by 2 on the 18th on Sunday at the 2011 Farmers, Lefty memorably had Bones tend the flag from 72 yards away.

Have to love the FIGJAM quote from Phil in the video: “I’m trying to fly it in, and if it doesn’t fly in, it’s gonna skip, and I want to try to bring it back in. So when I get a wedge shot at 72 yards, I can usually fly it within a yard 95% of the time.” 95% of the time he can fly it within a yard!? Reminds me of one of my favorite Phil stories (tweet from Colt Knost):

I told Phil one day he’s pretty good with his wedges, he replied “no, I’m really f’ing good with them” #legend #usopen

This is a tough one for us, as NLU favorite Kyle Stanley lost a 3 shot lead on the final hole when his wedge shot that appeared perfect, freakishly backspun into the water (1:00 mark):

Stanley went on to lose in the playoff, yet miraculously redeemed himself a week later at the Waste Management Phoenix Open, coming from 8 shots behind in the final round to notch his first PGA Tour win.

Here’s to hoping that this Sunday we don’t see Stew Cink laying up and two putting to win.

Drama Theater: The 18th at Torrey Pines

. The only comment the user left was that his brother-in-law could not afford a Scotty Cameron, so he bought a beat up one and gave it to him for his birthday. You really should check out the step by step pictures that he posted 

Brother-In-Law of the Year - Amazing Scotty Cameron Restoration

With a mere 231 yards into the 18th hole at the Palmer Private Course, Zach Johnson did what he does, which was lay up. This is our nightmare. The crowd (jokingly) threw some boo’s at him, to which he responded that he was in a divot. The Golf Channel zoomed in and Faldo called him out. See video below:

This layup was followed up by Holly Sonders of the Golf Channel going for the green from slightly closer. She didn’t make it over, but at least she tried. Who should be wearing the skirt?

Zach Johnson Showered with Boo&#8217;s For Laying Up from 230

The coolest man in golf pulled off a shot that only a guy who wouldn’t even bother to fix his hair for his 

Going for the par 5 in two (naturally), Couples blocks it way right, but for all we know he was trying to do that. He ricochets it off the lava, off the cart path, down to the hole to 8 feet for eagle. And he of course drained the putt:

Fred Couples Ricochets It Off Lava to 8 Feet

Because NLU’s all about the lifelong pursuit of knowledge, if only for knowledge’s sake.

This is one of many economic fundamentals I consistently can never 

 remember. So if only for my own edification, and perhaps maybe any of you who struggle with this distinction, I present the following example in hopes of finally cementing this shit once and for all (hang with me here):

Let’s say a golfer–what the heck, let’s make him a 

. Our proud Masters champion is getting back into the flow of a new PGA Tour season like any other year; playing an early-season, West Coast 

Now this particular tournament happens to occur on some of the easiest tracks this (or any) professional will encounter all year. Our pro promptly struggles, to put it delicately, in his first round, shooting a 

 on a course that will yield a cumulative scoring average about ten shots lower on the week.

Let’s now discuss this performance using our economic terms, ‘real’ and ‘nominal.’

The rough relationship we will want to always remember is 

 amounts (be they interest rates, wages, values, or golf performances) are expressed without accounting for inflationary influences (i.e. inflation rates), whereas 

 amounts are expressed with inflationary effects factored in.

For our example above, the equation we will apply mirrors that used to calculate real vs. nominal wages.

 performance * (1 + [% Change in Difficulty over Base Course])

So to conclude, in our example we would express the Green-jacket winner’s performance, 

, having applied the necessary, significant increase in course difficulty (based on the relative strength of the courses he will encounter the rest of the season), we can best express our pro’s performance as…


Aerial view of LQCC following Immelman’s round

*Note: Actually doing the math here will produce a ‘real’ golf score, in absolute terms, less than 79. We’ve exercised an artistic license a little bit. If we’d been discussing wages, lower would equal ‘worse.’ Obviously golf performance is not oriented in a similar manner.

Economic Lesson of the Day: Real vs. Nominal

In honor of Webb’s first shank of the year, we dug this video up from the top of the search results for best shanks on YouTube. Make sure you have headphones, Feherty and Peter Kostis reacting is worth the price of admission.

We shouldn’t dog Paula Creamer. She was in the bunker. And she’s a sass.

Big Cat’s Shank is the definition of a Hozzle Rocket…FIRE THE LASER! #ProjectVulcan

The best one has to be Mahan. While our boys in the booth (and Rog out on location) are slobbing his ‘consistent ball striking,’ Mahan promptly fouls one into the first base dugout.

Can you say Hozzle Rocket?

Here at NLU, it is our privilege–nay, it is our mission and duty to share scenes like this:

Hey Johnny, Jack doesn’t care about your 63 at the US Open.

Johnny Miller Served by the Golden Bear

On behalf of us all here at NLU, I’d like to thank 

 for sharing this video of a man crashing through the roof of a Pro-Shop. It’s made my Monday exponentially better.

‘Hey Ron’ – Could you ask for a better reaction from the pro-shop guy? Guy falls like a sack of bricks. You can even see his dome piece bounce off the floor, and how do these guys react? With about as much emotion as Duffner when he stuffs a wedge to six feet.

And then Billy, tells him not to move. At first, I thought it was because he’s concerned about broken bones. But no, we soon realize, it’s so he can get his camera. Billy, Ron, we salute you.

This may be how Jean Van De Velde felt after Carnoustie in 1999 (Paul Lawrie definitely reminds me of Billy…).

Happy Monday: Man Crashes through Pro-Shop Ceiling

Big shout out to Golf.com for these gems – 

Separated at Birth: Pro Golfers and Their Celebrity Look-Alikes

Some of these comparisons are spot on (Lefty – EMILIO; Faldo – Luke Skywalker), some are ruthlessly spot on (Furyk – Mr. Burns of Simpsons; Louis Oousthuizen – Shrek), and a couple are just freaking spectacular (Nick Watney – Gary Busey!!) Here are a couple snapshots of what’s about to be the highlight of your day:

Golfers and Their Celebrity Doppelgängers

Murder should never be a light topic. But when wanted fugitive 

Benson Kyle Lloyd of Jasper, GA, was nabbed by police

 in a PGA Superstore range stall, let’s hope he was at least hitting driver. The article from the Woodstock, GA daily paper suggests Lloyd was dumb for showing such a carelessness on a Wednesday afternoon. I disagree. The PGA Superstore seems like a great place to hide out and kill time if you keep a hat on and your head down. Have to wonder how long he was in the store – chances are it was at least two hours- nobody 

 leaves that place in under two hours, it just doesn’t happen.

Judging by the mug shot and cold blooded murder charges, we should all be glad the Cherokee County police are cleaning up the North Georgia area and keeping The PGA Superstore ‘Crack House’ safe for all of us.

“Enjoy the jail cell pal” – couldn’t have said it better ourselves, Webb.

Articles

This Guy Has a Terrible Idea

Drama Theater: The 18th at Torrey Pines

Brother-In-Law of the Year - Amazing Scotty Cameron Restoration

Zach Johnson Showered with Boo’s For Laying Up from 230

Fred Couples Ricochets It Off Lava to 8 Feet

Economic Lesson of the Day: Real vs. Nominal

Can you say Hozzle Rocket?

Johnny Miller Served by the Golden Bear

Happy Monday: Man Crashes through Pro-Shop Ceiling

Golfers and Their Celebrity Doppelgängers

Murder Suspect Caught Pounding Balls in PGA Superstore

It's Hammer Time

Articles

This Guy Has a Terrible Idea

Drama Theater: The 18th at Torrey Pines

Brother-In-Law of the Year - Amazing Scotty Cameron Restoration

Zach Johnson Showered with Boo&#8217;s For Laying Up from 230

Fred Couples Ricochets It Off Lava to 8 Feet

Economic Lesson of the Day: Real vs. Nominal

Can you say Hozzle Rocket?

Johnny Miller Served by the Golden Bear

Happy Monday: Man Crashes through Pro-Shop Ceiling

Golfers and Their Celebrity Doppelgängers

Murder Suspect Caught Pounding Balls in PGA Superstore

It's Hammer Time

Zach Johnson Showered with Boo’s For Laying Up from 230