Nothing about David Simms is redeeming. His cool guy visors and hammy persona are nothing more than a disingenuous façade. We know this not only because he reeks of smarminess, but also because we witness him berating the elderly, swearing at children, and dissing puppies post-round while ripping a lung dart:

Simms is also the first ever PGA Tour player to unbutton 2 buttons on his polo to rock the deep V, which is a direct counter to Bubba’s fully buttoned choker shirt. This may be the one instance where I’ll defend Bubba because, dang it, this is golf, not a Miami nightclub. Worst of all, Simms is a guy who builds his golfing identity entirely around laying up. While I respect his data-focused mindset in vowing to play the percentages – which makes him way ahead of his time in 1995 – I can’t understate how deplorable he is for laying up from 230. His tour card, man-card and credit card should have been revoked by tournament officials on the spot – #LPCP.

Sweater Vest, Yikes. Lacks Pop; Can’t Play

The flaws in Goldfinger’s game are all too apparent. A true gamer doesn’t miss 1 footers no matter how many bars of gold are tossed onto the green 

. A true gamer also doesn’t need 5 waggles and 30 seconds to tap in a 1 footer. Not even Sergio circa 2008 was that yippy, but to be fair, it wouldn’t be easy to play against James Bond heads up in a match, particularly when he’s crafting overly complicated schemes to try to catch you cheating. Couldn’t Bond have simply called Goldfinger out for pulling the old “oh, here it is” routine when he couldn’t find his tee ball? Talk about passive-aggressive tactics.

His “it’s all in the hips” putting stroke is a chief indicator of a mediocre golf game, despite his above average bunker play (his sand shot prompted Nick Faldo to say “he must be an Aussie” because according to Nick, Australia is one giant sand trap). However, he gets points for having next level confidence and being a degenerate gambler. I heard that Phil tried to contact Thomas Crown to set up a Sunday Nassau after seeing this clip for the first time and was dismayed to find out that he’s a fictional character.

On the positive side of the ledger, it’s clear that Spaulding is not the laying up type. He’s a guy who stealthily finishes off spent cocktails at country club parties and boldly approaches floating excrement in swimming pools. To a fearless cat like Spaulding, staring down the barrel of 260 to the pin with water on the left is as relaxing as listening to Kenny G on Quaaludes. Unfortunately, Spaulding’s swing is more conducive to chopping wood than flushing iron shots. With a flatter swing and less Henrik Stenson-esque tantrums, he could be a nice player.

Hailey’s direct hit on Peter Klavin’s shin demonstrates true shot making ability:

As much as Bubba shapes the ball, I’d like to see him hit a ball directly sideways with decent ball speed. If she adjusted for her shank-push by aiming 90 degrees left, she’d be notching GIRs left and right. Most impressively, she’s able to put a firm strike on the ball despite looking squarely at the target halfway through her backswing.

It’s similar to how Spieth looks at the hole on short putts only, like, 5 times cooler.

I’m going to make a bold claim: Happy Gilmore’s Tour Championship win is more impressive than Tiger’s dominant US Open win at Pebble Beach in 2000. Let’s break it down:

First, remember that Happy hadn’t been to a golf course until his late 20s. Considering golf dominance is basically a function of having the work ethic and discipline to practice for thousands and thousands of hours, Happy’s immediate success is like bowling a 300 on your first trip to the lanes. Beethoven may have composed his first piece at age 12, but I’d like to see him try to crank out a 400 yard drive.

At the same time, most would categorize Happy’s early career coaching as haphazard at best. Critics of Chubbs Peterson (RIP) have pointed out that he never actually worked with Happy on any technical golf skills save for a nonsensical putting lesson at a putt-putt course designed to help Happy cope with the all too common situation of immovable obstacles falling onto the green during tournament play. Rather, Chubbs simply gave him the mantras “find your happy place” and “just taaaaap it in.” Perhaps Dave Stockton could have tweaked Happy’s putting stroke to become more refined, but you can’t argue with the results Chubbs achieved just by focusing on the mental game. I’m also pretty sure that Chubbs wasn’t a coach at all, but rather a prophet. On the flip side of the coin, Earl Woods had Tiger start ironing out his swing while he was still in the womb. From there, Tiger employed the best of the best in Butch Harmon and Hank Haney. I like to think that if I had this kind of coaching access I would’ve won at least 2 majors by now. It’s practically cheating.

Let’s also consider the layout of the courses each player had to navigate. At face value, it seems like every tournament on the “Pro Tour” depicted in Happy Gilmore was contested on a mediocre muni course. Capping off the Tour Championship, supposedly the biggest tournament of the year, with a trouble-less 150 yard par 3 is a surprising move that reportedly caused Mike Davis to have a stroke when he found out. However, if you are to believe the “fly-by” camera shots of Happy’s drives, most of the par 4s on tour are 1000 yards and often require the golfer to play directly over 2 lakes. I mean, just check out the tee shot on the first hole of the Waterbury Open, which isn’t even a pro tour stop:

Bobby Trent Jones must have designed the Waterbury track while in the throes of his LSD phase. Not only are trees forming a wall 100 yards in front of the golfer in the middle of the fairway, but it’s at least 350 to carry this giant lake in the middle of the hole. So while you’d think Pebble Beach presents a more difficult challenge than the $25 a round muni’s the pros play in Happy Gilmore, the funky layouts make it a wash.

Tiger holds the obvious edge when it comes to caddy quality. While I find Stevie Williams to be morally bankrupt, he undoubtedly provides more value on the bag than a guy who has zero caddying experience and is actually bankrupt.

I’d also like to point out that Happy was able to overcome what I’ve estimated to be a sextuple bogey during his final round to pull out the win. What the movie failed to explain is that Happy, in addition to being a prodigious if unconventional golfer, also possesses magical powers that make sextuple bogeys only drop him one shot. That’s some serious Houdini sorcery. I’d like to see Tiger pull that one off. He couldn’t even move his ball a 

quarter of an inch without everyone flipping out

Finally, let’s also remember that Happy was struck squarely by a Volkswagen Beatle in the middle of his final round. That had to be disconcerting. Tiger is no stranger to playing through pain and adversity himself. His US Open win with a torn ACL ranks up there on the Willis Reed Scale of Heroic Injured Athlete Performances™. Regardless, it doesn’t compare to being struck by a car mid-round.

If the montage sequences in Happy Gilmore are accurate, then we must conclude that Shooter won something like 10 tournaments in the 1995 season, which would eclipse Tiger’s 9 wins in the 2000 season as the most wins in a season in the modern era. This is no small feat, especially when you consider that Shooter accomplished this run while having shoddy caddying (a 5 iron for a 25 yard pitch in heavy rough? Please) and no swing coach. An unfortunate ruling requiring Shooter to play from a patron’s foot paved the way for him to make the most impressive par in recent PGA history, solidifying his legendary status. Frankly, I’m surprised that a 30 for 30 hasn’t been made about the 18th hole at the Tour Championship yet.

Shooter is also unequivocally at the top of the official Tour Sauce power rankings based on his bad-ass “shooter” celebration, his swagger oozing post-round interviews that Patrick Reed undoubtedly studies for inspiration, and his penchant for ripping stogies while cashing oversize victory checks. Shooter sports lacy sweater-vests over Tom Ashworth polos on Sundays. Enough said.

The unfinished follow through of a true NLU hall of famer…

As much as I enjoyed the Andrew Landry underdog story in this year’s US Open, his story pales in comparison to Tin Cup’s US Open run. If some guy ranked outside of the top 1500 who operates a shoddy driving range as his day job qualified for the 2016 US Open and shot 83-62 (also known as a “Reverse Camilo Villegas”) in the first 2 rounds, I might actually have passed out from excitement. At the same time, no one takes the No Laying Up creed more seriously than Roy McAvoy. He literally has “NLU ‘til I die” tattooed on his left butt cheek, and I heard that shortly after his US Open antics, he tried to run for Texas State Senate strictly on a No Laying Up platform. For that, he has our unwavering respect and admiration.

Alright, let the argument begin: what fictitious sticks did I leave out?

Fictional Golf Character Power Rankings

The United States Ryder Cup qualifying system is questionable at best. It’s not horrendous, but it’s fair to call it a bit arbitrary. The whole idea that someone can qualify for the team, but might not be a guy that the captain wants on the team means that you are already handicapping the captain regarding his strategy (

). At least we can say that there was a step in the right direction with the addition of an extra captain’s pick (up to four from three in the most recent Ryder Cup), following the 2014 fiasco that prevented Billy Horschel from making the team despite being the hottest player on the planet.

This time of year, we spend weeks pouring over data as come up with who we would ideally like to see fill in the remaining available spots on the Ryder Cup teams. Being the unapologetic American homer that I am, I felt the need to break down the candidates on the U.S. side as I’m not even sure which route I would prefer Davis Love III to go with his picks.

The tendency for most armchair analysts is to pull up the Ryder Cup standings, look at who is 9-12 on the list, pick the guys you like on that list, then scroll down the list to find the names to fill out the roster. But is the current points system the best reflection of who is playing well/deserving of a spot? You don’t like someone else’s take on a captain’s pick? Just say “well if he really deserved a spot, he would have made it on points,” sit back, and watch the takes roll in. But if the points system is flawed to begin with then how much water does that argument hold?

I’m not saying that this system needs to be scrapped entirely, but it has its inherent flaws. The what-if scenarios below demonstrates just how volatile and arbitrary the scoring system is, and shows that, with some rather minor tweaks, the team would like quite different. Additionally, it may change your perspective as to who is most deserving of a captain’s pick, as some of the guys that are currently on the bubble wouldn’t even be in the picture if not for the current points system. At the moment my mind is changing on a daily basis as to who should make the team, so I’m not really pushing any particular agenda here.

Here is how the point system currently works. The top 8 in the points after The Barclays automatically qualify for the team. Points are determined by the following criteria:

Prize money earned in the 2015 majors (one point for every $1,000).

Prize money earned in the 2015 PLAYERS Championship, WGC-Cadillac Championship, WGC-Dell Match Play, WGC-Bridgestone Invitational and WGC-HSBC Champions (one point for every $2000):

Prize money earned in 2016 official events from 2016 Hyundai Tournament of Champions through 2016 The Barclays (One point for every $1000, excluding the majors and events played opposite majors and World Golf Championships):

Prize money earned in the 2016 majors (two points for every $1000): The Captain gets four captain picks.

Notables: Sneds (9), Bubba (10), Kuchar (11), Fowler (12)

This is the team that I am using for the baseline for each of the scenarios below. Each scenario is compared to the team as it currently stands ahead of the Wyndham Championship.

Scenario 1: Points from only the last Six Months

If we only included the points earned since the Pebble Beach Pro-Am, here is how the team would change. I also included where their rank in the standings would be in this hypothetical situation:

: Berger (9), McGirt (10), Bubba (11), Chappell (12)

The six month timeframe is a bit arbitrary, but shows who has been trending this year, and chops off guys that are hanging on to points from over 180 days ago. This is a really bad look for Fowler and Snedeker (although admittedly, Fowler had a solo 2nd the week before the cutoff of this analysis). Clearly this is the least likely system that the PGA of America would ever consider using, but it is included here more to show the trending factor. Fowler and Sneds are currently whatever the opposite of trending is.

You’ll also start to notice a trend here with ZJ soon….

If we only use points earned from the 2016 calendar year (bringing Fowler and Sned’s winter wins back into play), this is how it would look:

: Kuchar (9), Piercy (10) Bubba (11), McGirt (12)

From this, we can gather that ZJ is the only player that will benefit from 2015 events counting towards the Ryder Cup standings. If it were based on 2016 results, he wouldn’t even be close to sniffing the team. This surprised me.

Scenario 3: Points only from 2015-2016 Season

This hypothetical takes into account the entire 2015-2016 season, beginning with the Frys.com Open, and excludes any points earned in the 2015 majors/WGC’s/Players Championship. Oh boy….

: McGirt (9), Na (10), Piercy (11), Chappell (12)

: Kuchar (13), Holmes (14), Bubba (16), Fowler (23)

So if the points system counted all of the events from the PGA Tour season, Justin Thomas would be on the team, and Zach Johnson wouldn’t be sniffing Hazeltine. Instead, those events count for nothing. Now, Thomas and the aforementioned Snedeker aren’t exactly smoking hot coming down to the ends of the points race, so this is an outright disgrace, but again… how is the current system a more convincing indicator than this scenario?

Scenario 4: Add in Fall Series to Current Standings

As of now, the Fall Series counts for absolutely nothing, which is somewhat nonsensical with everything the TOUR has done to make it known that those events are a part of the schedule. This is what the team would look like if you would have counted those events (still includes the 2015 points from the majors/WGC’s/Players).

: Na (9), Sneds (10), Holmes (11), Bubba (12)

I’ve loudly stated that I think the fall events should count towards the standings, but the effect in this scenario would be minimal (especially considering Kisner’s subpar form of late). To me what sticks out is that it brings JT a heck of a lot closer, but still doesn’t put him on the team. Would the consideration for him as a captain’s pick be different if he was sitting in the top 15 in the standings?

Scenario 5: 2016 Majors Don’t Count As Double Points

In this scenario, the 2016 majors only count as one point per $1,000 earned, rather than two points.

Full disclosure, I ran this scenario because I thought Walker’s leap from 29th to 4th after winning the PGA was a bit ridiculous, and the results here show that if the majors did not count for double points, he would be the only one that would have to pay the price for that. Major championships are already worth about 64% more to the winner than a normal tour event. So in effect, the winner of the majors actually gets around three times as many cup points as the winner of the Travelers Championship gets. Again, I’m not questioning the logic there, just pointing out that that is a hell of a lot of points to give out in one week.

Here’s what I gleaned from these alternate scenarios:

Rickie’s last six months have been borderline disastrous for his chances. You can’t fully discount his second place at the Waste Management, but that was his last even remotely noteworthy result.

Zach Johnson is on the team because the 2015 majors count. If they didn’t count, he would not even be close to making the team. To me, he is the single biggest benefactor of the current points system.

Justin Thomas, at minimum, would be a lot closer to the discussion on a captain’s pick if the fall series events counted.

William McGirt has been one of the best American players during 2016. We might be doomed.

The discussion on potential captain’s picks would vary greatly if a different system was in place.

Obviously the task force put a lot of energy into designing the current points system, and none of the systems proposed above are necessarily any better than what is currently in place. But don’t these scenarios at least beg the question as to why so much value is put into this points system, when a few minor tweaks could have a pretty drastic effect on who is wearing the stars and stripes about a month and half from now. It all just feels a bit arbitrary. If it were me, I would give the captain more discretion on who makes the squad, or at least implement a composite of the above systems to avoid a scenario where a guy makes the team that might not be the proper fit.

How Would the United States Ryder Cup Team Look if the Points System Was Different?

Last weekend was a double first for me–first time at a Champions Tour event and first time at a USGA championship (as opposed to sectional/local qualifier). On both accounts, it was a freaking blast. I’ll leave it to the national outlets to tell the story of the golf action, what I want to do here is convey the event as I experienced it. Specifically, my plan wasn’t to follow ‘the action’ as much as it was to follow a handful of players I really wanted to see in person. What follows is a casual report of sorts on my experiences, separated out by day. I hope you enjoy, but more importantly, I hope you have the chance to get out and watch some golf wherever you are.

-Got to the grounds early. Hot and humid, even before 9am. Was going to be a scorcher! Up first on my to-do list was catching up with the Tommy Armour III/Mark Wiebe/Scott Hoch trio. Main draw being TA3. Guy is old school cool. For my money the best hair/visor combo in the game. Much more on him to come.

-Didn’t take long walking with the group to notice Scott Hoch seems crusty AF. Exudes saltiness. Can certainly understand why he has a reputation of sorts, which made the following interaction even more enjoyable. Scott is walking off the 8th green when this jolly middle-aged guy, beer in hand, enthusiastically turns from his buddy and hollers at Scott, “Hey Scott, remember #11 at Muirfield the year you won? That was awesome!” Scott kind of double-takes the guy, gives him a curt, “yeah,” and keeps on moving. I assumed the guy was trying to wax nostalgic about a Hoch win at the Memorial several years back, but it wasn’t until I got home that night and looked up past Memorial champions that I realized Hoch never won the Memorial. I’m not sure if the guy had him confused for somebody else (Hale Irwin maybe?) or was just messing with him, but I sincerely hope it was the latter. And if so, guy is a first-order legend and I missed an opportunity to hang with him.

Quick word on Mark Wiebe. Unlike Hoch, I liked the energy Mark was putting out there. Big fella was battling the heat, though, and all jokes aside had me a little worried. What I liked most about Mark, aside from the crisp Cherry Hills visor and sunglasses hanging off his back pocket, was the Jerry Tarkanian sweat towel he kept on him at all times. GREAT look.

The vastly entertaining trio of Scott Hoch, Mark Wiebe and Tommy Armour III.

-You know what you don’t hear these days? The click-clack of golf spikes on pavement. It’s a fantastic sound, always transports me back in time. I got to hear it following TA3. The OG spikes meant extra duty for his caddie. After TA holed out on each green, his caddie would go about meticulously trying to retrace his footsteps across the green. Looked like a penguin doing a little shuffle out there. Hope he got an extra point or two on that check from Boss Man.

-After about nine holes with the fellas I showed myself out and went in search of Monty. As it was, I found the great man and his group around the 6th green, heading to 7 tee. Grouped with Monty were Kenny Perry and Olin Browne. Guys, Kenny Perry’s hat rides high. I wish I could do justice to how far up on his cranium that thing rests. It was perched. I tried to capture it in the picture below.

-Thursday afternoon was my scheduled time to follow a couple amateurs that piqued my interest, Pat Tallent and Mike McCoy. Pat is a former shooting guard who played collegiately at George Washington and could straight fill it. What I learned quickly, too, is he puts a buttery move on his ball. In essence, he’s out there doing everything I’ve ever wanted to do in life. Big fan of Pat’s. I stayed with his group for several inauspicious holes on the back nine before hitting the eject in search of McCoy. I found him in 8 fairway where he proceeded to pump a long iron to about 15 feet. Alright, alright, alright!

-Here’s my summary of McCoy: most importantly, he’s beyond chill. Enjoys a cigar (or two) out on the course and would get outside the ropes at about every opportunity to chat up the folks in his traveling party. Honestly, it seemed like he was out there playing a weekend money game with some friends, not competing in a US Open. His game is very aggressive, or at least was this week. I think he hit Driver on every hole. While not crazy long, he was getting it out there past Romero and Chapman. Iron play was very crisp, gets steep on a short iron. He didn’t score very well on Thursday (75, +5) largely due to a couple of three putts (at the 8th and 9th) and two big misses with short irons coming home (on #16 his ball just missed checking up to a back pin with shaved run-off past the hole–greatly respected going after the pin). All in all, after having read about his numerous accomplishments in the game and curious to see what he was all about, both in person and as a shot-maker, I can say he did not disappoint in either respect and I left with even more admiration for him.

Mike McCoy enjoying a cigar and some golf.

-Amusing scene with this group on the par-3 17th. Eduardo Romero had hit a good, not great, shot that ended up hitting in the middle but running through to the back collar. Anyway, these two older gentleman posted up next to the box 

 enjoyed the shot (I don’t think they could see where it ended up) and started congratulating Eduardo. 

Oh man, what a great shot! Best we’ve seen all day and we’ve been here for a few hours!

 That type of stuff for maybe 15 to 20 seconds. Really mild, good-natured congratulations. While this was going on–Romero is politely nodding and smiling–Chapman has pegged his ball, is standing there looking at the guys, and finally shoots an icy, “we ready, guys?” at the older gentlemen. That was enough to get me laughing to myself when Romero catches my eye and gives kind of a half nod/half eye-roll Chapman’s way with a big smile on his face. Kind of a, ‘how bout this guy?’ look. I make a quick yikes face and we both laugh a little and then everybody carried on. Point of the story here is twofold–completely random little situations like this are my favorite part of going to golf tournaments, and guys, Roger Chapman would like to play his damn shot.

-Coming down the 18th I got to chatting with McCoy’s girlfriend. Extremely nice lady. Couldn’t believe I was actually out there to watch Mike play. In fact, when she asked me why and I started rattling off his golfing resume I think she may have been a bit concerned……just kidding (kind of). For my effort she insisted on introducing me to Mike after the round, which was a pleasant surprise. We exchanged a handshake and a few words. He had bogeyed #18 so I made sure to keep it short and sweet. I say all this to highlight another of my favorite things about going to golf tournaments–trying to guess which of the people in the hole-to-hole walking crowd are in which player’s travelling party.

-First up was Monty. Again. Needed him. He’s so much fun in person because you get to take in the whole act of him getting miffed by the slightest noise and smallest misstep in the gallery. After this weekend he’s comfortably in my top-5 for favorite golfers. On this day he was playing with Takeshi Sakiyama (awesomely kind dude who loves cigarettes) and Billy Andrade (sports the MLB hat a la Spence, so you know he’s good people).

These people Saturday may not have been conscious.

-On 5 green Monty was in full force. There was some DEEP background activity that had his attention prior to his 4 to 6 foot par putt. I mean deep, like 15 yards off the green to a cart path, and then up a decent little hill to a concession area. He probably spent 45 seconds with his hand up in the air just looking in the general direction. Wasn’t going to get the entire concession area dead silent, though, so he finally missed his putt (obviously) and then snatched the ball out of the hole and marched off the green all petulant and unbelieving of the tragedy that had befallen him. It was tremendous theater. He really hams up the injustice for the gallery. The absolute best.

-What’s easy to lose in all of Monty’s actions is the guy detonates his woods and long irons. Flushes the shit out of them. Tremendous ball striker and a definite treat to watch in that regard. Short game doesn’t do much for me, but I could watch him pierce 3-wood off the tee hole after hole.

-I left Monty after 9 holes to once again follow TA3. He was matched up with Mike Small (Illinois golf coach) and Grant Waite. And I gotta say, TA was going about things more than a bit deliberately on Saturday. First, his walk never goes beyond a casual stroll. Second, he’s using Aim Point on the greens, so he was feeling around with his feet quite a bit (poor caddie). Anyway, I think it was really pissing off Mike Small. At one point coming off 5 green he mumbled something about pace of play to the walking rules official accentuated by a nice F-bomb. I’ll say this–TA ain’t in a hurry for nobody or anything. Guy does his thing out there. Never seems like he’s in a hurry.

-TA provided some wonderful, grade-A #Toursauce. On the 7th hole he dropped a 25-foot birdie putt, gave it a one-finger, count-it motion and proceeded to turn and stroll off the green. Caddie had to go get the ball out of the hole. Keep doing you, TA.

-At one point I crossed paths with Miguel Angel Jimenez. The man is just outrageous. Was wearing cotton white pants, a bright green shirt, visor, his Chuck Yeager shades and spafro. It’s easy to lack appreciation the ensemble when you just see it on tv, but in person it’s quite a lot to take in.

-We will forever be indebted to Jim Moriarty for his description of Dustin Johnson having “

.” And while I think that is the most apt description possible of DJ, I’ll be damned if Vijay may not have invented it. Watching him stroll around the grounds it’s all I could think about.

TA’s caddie doing the spike mark shuffle.

-One of the aspects of a tournament you never see on tv is the army of movement all over the course. Crews hauling television equipment, people delivering food and beverages all over the course, all the marshals working the ropes, etc. It’s an underrated source of unintentional comedy for sure. Usually it involves the guys driving the carts having the self-control of a toddler staring at a cookie. That or the marshals being way overeager. On one occasion a guy came riding up behind TA3 mid-backswing and stopped suddenly. After the shot TA hollered at him and was going over to have some words when the guy floored it outta there–didn’t want the heat! On another occasion this marshal, bless her heart, got so anxious at somebody with a camera out that she starts waving and motioning mid-swing on the tee box. TA’s caddie strongly informed her she was doing more to disrupt the player than the person with the camera. In any event, there’s always a lot going on, which you never really appreciate on TV.

-Sunday was a complete wash, pushing everybody back until Monday. Bad for the USGA, but great for me because not only were there minimal people on the grounds, there were hardly any marshals available for work either.

-I joked on Twitter that getting my Monty fix was better than heroin. I found him first thing and it was more of the same awesomeness as before. At one point on the 6th green there was an overweight gentleman sitting high up in some grandstands sort of commentating the action out loud to himself (I know, lol). On a normal day all the other people and activity would’ve drowned him out, but today was very light. Anyway, as Jay Haas putted up a hill toward the cup the guy goes, “ohhh, that’s gonna be well short.” Not malicious, not even meant to be heard by the players. Just talking out loud to himself. Monty is just standing there, agog, staring up at the guy and ever so slightly shaking his head. Like he can’t believe what is happening. It’s a look of amazement, contempt, and disappointment all melded into one. It’s the look I imagine the British gave their uncivilized American counterparts some 240+ years ago around the time of the Revolution. In fact, Monty would’ve been a tremendous Redcoat, though more likely, he’d have been some snooty provincial governor somewhere. I love it so much. He’s the best. A true pleasure to follow. Long live Monty!

-At the turn I ducked into the media center for a quick bite to eat. A few weeks back Luke Donald banged on the USGA spread for players and families (#chickenfingers), but I’ll happily report my pulled pork, coleslaw, mac n’ cheese and cookies were more than adequate.

-The tees on #10 were moved up to make it a short par-4 at 278 yards. First time all week tees were up (tees were up everywhere on the course), which left me wandering why they waited until today. Not only did it play as a dramatically different hole, it was so much more fun! Could’ve very well been a result of low spots in the fairway still having standing water, combined with the USGA’s refusal to institute lift, clean and place (which, by the way, Monty was miffed about–chastised the walking rules official over it on #4 after his perfect drive had mud all over it). Either way, I liked the hole much better in its shorter iteration. More short par-4’s, please!

-Watched Monty put the finishing touches on a final round 68 and then went about trying to actually figure out what was going on in the golf tournament. I had been oblivious for 3+ days. As it was, Gene Sauers and Miguel Angel were battling down the stretch so I went to 18 to watch the final few groups come in.

-I wasn’t aware of it before this weekend, but Gene Sauers has an amazing story. 

Here’s the quick Wiki to get you started

. I’d encourage anyone to read up on it. The short version is this–he almost died from a rare skin condition several years back.

-As you may or may not know, Gene ended up winning the tournament with an up-and-down par on 18 after MAJ couldn’t make par out of a greenside bunker. Interviewed afterward, Gene was overcome with emotion and at a loss for words. Cool scene, better story. I’ll leave this weekend with a deep appreciation for his struggle and forever a Gene Sauers fan.

-USGA President Diana Murphy was of course in the house! I shouldn’t have been surprised but it caught me off guard. I was suddenly geeked for her trophy presentation speech! Fortunately (unfortunately?) she got through it very well except for glossing MAJ as “Miguel Angel Him-air-ez.” We’ll let that one go, Diana.

-Scioto was an absolute pleasure to walk. Landlocked, Donald Ross course meant it was possible to get anywhere on the course in short order. And while there was some undulation, it wasn’t taxing. Much more enjoyable walk than Muirfield Village and The Memorial. Great venue for the event.

-Tron asked me how pristine Scioto is. It’s obviously really great, but I’m not ready to convey ‘F-1 circuit’ status. The only drawback, in my mind, is I think too many of the holes mesh together, particularly the green complexes. Aside from the 8th (pond), 10th (downhill approach) and 17th (downhill with water), all the green complexes are plateaued with multiple, deep bunkers guarding. Not enough variance in the optics to give it my highest marks. Nonetheless, a fantastic track. Exemplifies American parkland.

-I think watching the Seniors is every bit as fun and captivating as going to a PGA tournament. And in a way, maybe more entertaining. They hit just enough shots that aren’t dead-center perfect which, weirdly, makes it more interesting. That, combined with a lot of unique moves on the ball, is fun to see. Don’t get me wrong, they’re obviously phenomenal players and hit the shit out of the ball, but collectively, I think they are forced to play with more flair, imagination, and originality than what I’ve witnessed at PGA events. I’ve come away from this weekend excited about Champions Tour golf and wouldn’t think twice if I had an opportunity to go out and attend another event.

-Lastly, and at the risk of sounding like I’m on the take, I want to point out this was my third experience at a USGA event and each one has left me nothing but incredibly enthused and passionate about the game of golf. They do a wonderful job and put on a great event. I always love to watch golf, and what I finally learned this weekend is that I love following golfers. Pick an individual you like or are curious about and go out and walk the round with him or her. You get to be privy to so many interesting little scenes and interactions. You get to watch how a round, good or bad, is built. And you get to be outdoors and in a gorgeous setting. I think I may become evangelical for the USGA, and particularly all the events that aren’t the US Open. This weekend reminded me the great work they do and how much I love the game. If there’s a USGA championship, or hell, even a qualifier near you, take a day and attend. I promise you you’ll have a great time.

Thoughts From the US Senior Open

I’m fairly confident in saying that the Travelers Championship is the only professional golf tournament to be started as a response to a failed turtle race.

In 1951, Greater Hartford’s Junior Chamber of Commerce (aka The Jaycees) were looking to raise money. Because it was 1951, and this kind of thing had apparently worked well in Evansville, Illinois, they decided to hold a “turtle derby.” It was, by all accounts, a 

. The “thoroughbred” turtles (whatever those are) got lost in transit from Louisiana, so the Jaycees had to wade into a nearby pond and pick up whatever shelled amphibians they could find. The race was sparsely attended and only brought in $1,800 (which actually seems pretty strong for a turtle race in Connecticut in 1951).

Regardless, the Jaycees weren’t pleased with the turnout or the money the turtle derby raised, and because it was 1951, they simply wrote a letter to the PGA asking to host a tournament, which the PGA approved. The next year, with sponsorships from the major insurance companies in the area (including Travelers), the Insurance City Open was born.

The Insurance City Open Media Guide from 1964.

Since 1952, The Travelers Championship has been played every year and has become an anchor event on the PGA Tour schedule though it’s run through a few name changes in that time. The tournament went by the Greater Hartford Open from 1967-2003, making it the longest (and best known) title for the event. Though I’ve never attended, I like to imagine the old money Greenwich-ites refer to the event as the “GHO” as they sip their Rob Roys in the hospitality tents.

The Travelers Championship also remained in much the same location for the event’s 65-year history: smack in the center of New Yorkachusetts. For the first three decades, the event was held at Wethersfield Country Club, two towns north of its current home in Cromwell. Today’s course, now part of the TPC network of clubs, plays to a short-ish par of 70 at 6,841 yards – one reason why big hitters like Stewart Cink, Hunter Mahan, and Tron’s boy Bagdad Gerry have had continued success here.

As a result of this tournament’s long run, a series of notable golfing firsts (and oddities) have occurred in the midst of pro-sports-starved Connecticut.

Arnold Palmer won his first PGA Tour event in the U.S., as he captured the Insurance City Open in 1956 after winning the Canadian Open the previous year. The King took the title four years later to become the first two-time winner of the event.

In 1997, Stewart Cink picked up his first PGA Tour win as a rookie, which catapulted him to a Rookie of the Year award.

Lefty took the Greater Hartford Open in 2001 and ’02, becoming the first player to win the event 

. Mickelson dropped a career-best 61 on Saturday in 2001 to seal the win before charging from five shots back to defend his title the next year.

Peter Jacobsen won the tournament twice – in 1984 and 2003. His winnings for the earlier victory came to $72,000. His winnings in 2003? $720,000. 

From 2005-2012, five of the seven tournament winners were first-time PGA Tour winners.

The Travelers Championship has seen 22 sudden-death playoffs.

The course record is held by Patrick Cantlay, who fired a ridiculous 10-under 60 in 2011, and It remains the lowest round ever shot on the PGA Tour by an amateur.

Billy Casper owned the event in the ‘60s, winning in 1963, 1965, and 1968, before taking his fourth and final title in 1973. (Sidenote: I feel like he gets forgotten among the Palmer/Nicklaus/Player discussion, but Casper notched 69 career professional wins, 51 PGA Tour victories (good for seventh all time), and three majors).

Whether it’s the average household income or the lack of major sports, Connecticut shows up for its golf tournament. The Travelers is the second-most-attended PGA Tour stop, behind only the wildly popular (read: debaucherous) Waste Management Phoenix Open.

Though most of us will be dealing with a golf hangover after this three-week major bender, and some people may even be looking ahead to golf returning to the Olympics, the Travelers boasts some interesting history and the potential for a compelling tournament.

Hartford History: The Travelers Championship Preview

. Since then, the phenomenon has caught fever in the golf world, but along the way, the definition of what is #TourSauce has been blurred to the point where it is in danger of it losing its identity. In trying to repair the #TourSauce brand, I will periodically check in with some updates from around the world in the sauce. If you’re still struggling with the definition, 

 and read through the series. In summary, #TourSauce is a series of things that only make sense to be doing if you are a PGA Tour pro.

Tour pros spray sauce all of the time. What we like to point out are the truly unique and hilarious occurrences of the sauce. A quick search of the hashtag on twitter gives us the following for this week.

Bones shielding Phil's Callaway from the precipitation!! 

J-Day throwing on the sponsor watch in time for the interview:

Rory with the twirl, and the divot tap that does absolutely nothing:

The old divot tap after taking a foot of turf. 

An example of the sauce from a Web.com player this week:

 was achieved today by someone on the Web Tour. I'm so proud. 

The Mackenzie Tour is getting in on the action and teaching some lessons:

 101: Recognize the 'tators, take out the putter to fix the ball mark.



Nicely done, 

Willett with a truly special Premature Tee Grab (ignore the typo):

Good lord, the tee is in Willet's hand before the Baba-Booey! 

 this weekend.



Reminder: He doesn't want to see your 

Walker gets the club in the back before the ball has even landed:

 handing his driver to his caddie before his ball landed. 

 hit top golf VB with a fore right and one hand sauce 

 looking back at point of impact without the club 

Always love when the volunteers get in on the action:

Bubba helping the marshalls out as Sergio refuses to:

 a good pairing is there to help, good job Bubba 

Buddy of mine runs into Scott Langley at the airport reading NLU. Sauce sprayed at the airport:

A few of these could be in the running to make the final 16 for the annual Saucies, to be held this fall. For last year’s contenders, 

#TourSauce Roundup for PGA Championship Week

You won’t often find posts on this website calling for your help, but this case is certainly an exception. Justin and Dawn Rezkalla live in Powell, Ohio, and have been friends of mine and my family’s for the better part of two decades. Justin and my dad used to be co-workers, and despite their 16 year age difference, became the best of golf buddies, often times inviting me to join in whenever I was in town. Eventually, Justin and I ended up developing a friendship with our own tee times, laps around the Memorial Tournament at Muirfield Village, and stories and inside jokes about Bubba Watson and Steven Bowditch. Justin himself is one of the finest purveyors of #TourSauce on the entire planet. In fact, he hands down won the 2014 #TourSauce contest by having his entire family run out onto the green to celebrate his member-guest championship:

In the video, you can hear his son Alex exclaiming “YAY DAD” and “YOU WIN!” over and over (

click here for the more complete, and full version of the video

….. seriously, watch it simply to see how excited Alex is). I don’t know Alex well, but this little kid is absolutely hilarious. Back in December 2015, our families met up for pizza, and Alex came in proudly wearing his new BB8 Star Wars t-shirt. He and Justin had just seen the movie, and he was all excited about. I talked to him about the movie, just making small talk with a 4-year old, and asked if R2D2 was in the movie (I had not seen it yet). He replied saying, “yeah but he’s asleep.” I didn’t think much of it at the time, but when I saw the movie about a week later, I thought back to Alex telling me that, and couldn’t help but laugh. He was exactly right! What he lacks in spoiler warning, he makes up for in Star Wars passion.

Another funny Star Wars related story comes directly from Dawn’s Facebook page:

This bit of background can’t fully illustrate the relationship between our two families, and the kindness that Justin and Dawn have shown to our family for almost 20 years. Regardless of my ability to describe that, I think you can understand how heartbroken we were to hear this news almost a year ago. Dawn tells the story best in some of what she has written to the US FDA and elsewhere…

August 17, 2015 will be a day that I will never forget. It was on that morning, nearly a year ago, that we first learned our four year old son, Alex, likely had some form of muscular dystrophy. Time really did stand still as one phone call altered our family’s path forever. We immediately became card-carrying members in an exclusive club, but not the club anyone aspires to join. This club’s members are randomly selected by nature and suddenly find themselves and their loved ones hand-cuffed into finding a place in their hearts and minds for the cruel and unusual punishment that follows. In life, there are good days and bad days. On this journey, each day forward leads to more muscle decline. Without treatment, each day is worse than the previous.



Our journey to diagnosis began four weeks earlier. Alex was not growing at the pace of his peers. He was routinely mistaken as one year younger than his chronological age due to his short stature. Alex wasn’t able to jump, ride a bike, run with a full gait, or walk up stair steps independently. Mother’s intuition told me to seek answers.



Through a series of tests, we learned Alex had low growth hormone and elevated enzymes found in the liver. We completed four more lab draws for liver diseases, all with negative results. A specialist ordered one last test to measure Alex’s muscle function before scheduling a liver MRI. Those same elevated enzymes were also in muscle. However, with the rarity of muscular dystrophy, this was presumed to be another precautionary test to rule out something terrible that just couldn’t be. The specialist called me in less than twenty-four hours and asked me if I was in a place where I could sit down. I took the deepest breath I’ve ever taken. She told me that Alex’s muscle test was very elevated and the three lab elevations together pointed to muscular dystrophy.



The wave of events and emotions that followed that moment are simply indescribable. That was the phone call that changed our lives forever. In all of the misfortune, there has been much fortune; the first of which happened the next day. We drove twenty minutes to one of the country’s top children’s hospitals where we met with one of the world’s leading muscular dystrophy doctors and researchers. Someone who has been working in the neuromuscular field for over forty years.



I suppressed my emotions during much of our meeting while Alex innocently played and interrupted us. After a while, though, the tears started streaming down my face. The doctor looked me in the eyes and said, “You know… Alex is only 4 and in a few years, there are going to be some options for him. And I’m not quitting until we find a cure.” I cling to these words every day.



We received the genetic test results at the end of September 2015. It confirmed that Alex had Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (“DMD”), the most common form of muscular dystrophy and also one of the most severe. For our family, the membership card had been inked. In short, DMD is a progressive muscle-wasting condition in which those diagnosed are unable to produce dystrophin, a protein essential for the repair and stability of muscle fibers. It is the leading genetic killer of children, occurring in approximately 1 in 3,500 live male births (about 20,000 new cases each year). Because the Dystrophin gene, made up of 79 parts, is located on the X-chromosome, it primarily affects boys. Boys start showing muscle weakness around the age of 3-6 and lose the ability to walk between the ages of 8-12. Muscle strength and function are robbed until young men lose their lives to heart or lung muscle failure in their 20s on average, but often times much earlier. Right now, 

. There is no cure and no approved treatments exist. This is not what any parent wants to hear.



The second fortune in our misfortune was what our doctor called to share with us next. He told me that Alex’s specific break in those 79 parts meant he is amenable to a drug currently in trial that had the chance to restore some dystrophin production. And our lives changed again with one phone call. Suddenly, our story could be different. Alex could have a chance at a better, longer life with DMD. On January 28, 2016, Alex received his first dose of drug through an IV infusion and has received one each week since then.



Alex is too young to comprehend his diagnosis. However, he is aware that he is not able to do things that his friends do. Although he’s adapted and accepted that, it frustrates him. He’s a curious, typical 5yr old now who asks what feels like thousands of questions a day. But the toughest question Alex has ever asked me came when I tucked him into bed right after we found out Alex got into the clinical trial last October. He must have begun to mentally process all the doctors visits and tests. He looked at me and quietly asked, “Mom? Am I going to be ok?”



I am not sure how I would have answered Alex’s question one year ago, three years ago, or ten years ago with this diagnosis. DMD research has been going on for more than 40 years and we just recently had clinical trials open in the last few years for potential treatment options. Alex’s story is unique, though. We went from diagnosis to a potential treatment option within weeks; not years. Our ability to do that was afforded to us by all of the medical professionals working tirelessly for a cure and all the parent-founded organizations in the DMD community fighting every day for treatment options, funding millions of dollars pennies at a time to labs, and marching on capital hill every winter to speak to government representatives. My response to Alex’s question was likely different than other moms before me who may have been asked that same question. My response was, “Yes. We have options and we are going to figure out how to make you better.”



Since diagnosis, I’ve met and networked with many families in the DMD community. The boys are each special in their own way, yet have something in common; something intangible that makes up for what they are missing in dystrophin. They are all very witty, humorous, inquisitive, and smart. They all love very deeply, which you can see in the relationships they have with their families, and they all speak and act freely when among the DMD community. That is their new normal and new-found family.

In January of this year, Dawn joined the board of Little Hercules Foundation (“LHF”), a registered, non-profit organization, founded by another DMD mom four years ago when her son was diagnosed with DMD at the age of five. LHF focuses specifically on fundraising for DMD research and participates in an alliance that collectively funds major research. Groups like this work tirelessly in the DMD community, and Justin and Dawn have dedicated the rest of their lives to doing the same.

This is a cause that both Justin and Dawn have shown extreme dedication to from the very beginning. What has impressed me the most is that they are passionate about the entire cause, and doing what they can to help others that are affected by this disease, not just how their family is directly impacted.

Justin and Dawn are hosting a new LHF event that they intend to grow for years to come. The Little Hercules Golf Classic will be at Scioto Reserve Country Club and Kinsale Golf Club in Powell, OH on October 3, 2016. You can help support their efforts to fund DMD research by purchasing one of the sponsorship packages outlined below. If you live in the area, they hope that you will also consider playing in the event. 

All proceeds go directly to funding research.

It is not often that we have an opportunity to save a life. Your donation could do exactly that. It could provide the new treatment options that Dawn promised to Alex. The DMD community’s ability to continue this fight depends upon organizations like LHF who receive support from donors like you.

Dinner program and auction following golf

(Fee includes: Greens Fee, Cart Fee, Use of Driving Range, Tee Gift and Dinner)

(Sponsorships include some combination of players in the event, event signage and social media exposure or program recognition depending on the level)

Customized or In-Kind Sponsorship Package

For questions, please contact Justin Rezkalla at 614.638.8827 or golfclassic@littleherculesfoundation.org

https://www.facebook.com/littleherculesgolfclassic/

If you would like to make a donation separate from the event above, please click here to donate directly to the 

Little Hercules Golf Classic: Funding Research to End Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy

If you’re up and watching the British Open, use the Disqus comments below for your live commentary.

I can’t stop looking at pics of the streaker from 1995

The late-early draw seems to be getting the advantage

This half of the draw winning big right now. Wind lost some momentum, just more than a zephyr at the moment.



— Doug Ferguson (@dougferguson405) 

Ben Curtis with the Tarkenton on the par-4 third today. Made an Aikman on No. 10 yesterday. Tough week. 

Those that woke up early to see some early morning wreckage along the Aryshire coast are disappointed so far. They’ve got long sleeves on (not surprising that ZJ is the only one with hot take mittens on) and the clouds are gray, but Adam Scott still looks dreamy and idyllic.

The lack of ProTraj on this broadcast is appalling.

 ProTracer but the international broadcast does so I'm obligated to share 

Phil is so hot he’s literally shedding a layer as he stuffs one on 7 to open up a four shot lead.

Finally some weather! Zach Johnson looks terrified of the rain drops, and has significantly increased his pace.

Keegan Bradley has arrived on the scene, and we won’t be able to make it out of the day today to start talking about him on the Ryder Cup (no thanks). The rain is about to separate the mudders from the fluff. Why is his face so punchable?

Phil bogies. Stenson bogies. Kaymer is ejecting. A benches clearing brawl just broke out at the Open and mass ejections are coming. Tron needs to wake up.

Phil makes 1st bogey of the week at 12. Only 3 players last 20 years have had longer bogey-free streaks to start 

Patrick Reed arriving to Royal Troon ???? 

Still a whole lot of Zach Johnson going on, hence the lack of updates. Can you imagine, that poor, poor Claret Jug, if it has to spend another year in the Johnson household, getting filled with sparkling water after sparkling water. The horror.

When was the last time somebody non-ironically purchased something from Poulter’s clothing line?

Seriously though, why is Poulter dressed like he's playing 

Phil just wanted a little more sauce at the Postage Stamp today. 

This leaderboard will do just fine, Troon. 

Wind is up to 20 MPH, and all the easy holes from yesterday and from earlier are back into the wind and look impossible. Stenson’s 65 is a safe bet to stand as the round of the day.

Jason Day may have hurt himself. Or he may not have.

Open Championship Live Blog/Chat

Amazingly we’re less than 10 weeks from the beginning of the FedEx Cup playoffs, meaning the 2016 PGA Tour season is getting down to it. And while it’ll inevitably be remembered for Spieth’s double-dunk at Augusta, DJ’s major breakthrough, and whoever contracts zika down in Rio, 2016 has also seen a glut of first-time winners, quickly approaching the most since the turn of the millennium (according to my crack research via Wikipedia). In fact, after Billy Hurley III’s mega feel-good triumph in DC last weekend, the number of first-time winners this year on Tour stands at 14, same as 2011 and trailing only the 15 first-time winners in 2010 and 18 breakthroughs in 2002.

Being five years on from the last season in which we saw at least 14 first-time winners, I thought it might be interesting to take a quick peak at the group of winners from the aforementioned three years (2011, 2010 and 2002) to what they’ve been up to since their breakthroughs.

2011 First-time Winners (PGA Tour Wins/Majors/Earnings on PGA Tour)

As a group, the 2011 first-time winners have won 29 times on the PGA Tour, collecting 3 majors and earning over $182 million in prize-money. Their average age at the time of their first victory was a bit over 29 years old. The oldest at the time of his first victory, Harrison Frazar, is among six of the guys still searching for a follow-up win. Keegan Bradley was the youngest at 24 years old.

When I compiled these brief statistical profiles I started with this group and had no idea how they’d compare to 2010 and 2002. At first blush it seemed like a somewhat underwhelming class, which proved to be both correct and not (keep reading and you’ll understand why). They’ll definitely pick off some more Tour wins, but think I’d bet the under on the group getting to 40/5 (Tour wins/Majors) when it’s all said and done.

Majors-wise, Schwartzel is mega-talented and remains the best bet to snatch another one. Webb will grind his way into contention at a few more US Opens, but I don’t see him really contending outside of that. If Keegan can become proficient with a regular putter, he has the ball-striking game to position himself for another major, and obviously as Scott Piercy showed at Oakmont, a guy like him can be squarely in the hunt for a major any given time, but all-in-all there is nobody I’d say is for sure going to bag another big one.

2010 First-time Winners (PGA Tour Wins/Majors/Earnings on PGA Tour)

These guys have collected 59 wins on Tour, including 12 majors. They’ve banked over a quarter billion in earnings ($263+ million). Four of the current top ten players in the world are in this group, including five future Hall of Famers (Rory, Day, Rose, Watson and Kaymer) and couple more that could have looks before it’s all said and done (Oosthuizen and Haas–Haas, admittedly, a strong reach). Their average age at the time of the first win was just shy of 30 years old, with Rory the youngest at 20 years old and Arjun Atwal the oldest at 37. Like 2011, six of the members in this group have not won again.

Articles

Fictional Golf Character Power Rankings

How Would the United States Ryder Cup Team Look if the Points System Was Different?

Thoughts From the US Senior Open

Hartford History: The Travelers Championship Preview

#TourSauce Roundup for PGA Championship Week

Little Hercules Golf Classic: Funding Research to End Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy

Open Championship Live Blog/Chat

First-Time Winners on Tour (2016 vs. Prior Years)

Tiger's Track: Quick History of the Bridgestone Invitational

2016 Birdies for the Brave: Event Recap

The Scattershot Story of The Sub-Prime Open

More Pro-Tracer Please

Best Tweets from U.S. Open Sunday

Day 1 U.S. Open Coverage

Memorial Tournament Recap

What Does "Good for the Game" Even Mean?

Eye on CBS (an intervention)

Scared Straight: A Lesson From the Ghosts of Mock Turtlenecks Past