The season is off to a hot start, so let’s get caught up on some correspondence.
@NoLayingUp your best guess of what happens at 16 if Tiger makes another ace. Both his and crowds reaction
— Ryan (@spartygrad) January 15, 2015
First, I’m legitimately excited for Golf Channel’s wall to wall coverage of the moment leading up to Big Cat’s walk through the tunnel on 16 at TPC Scottsdale. They are going to approach this the same way the Secret Service conducts a presidential motorcade. There’s going to be spotters with earpieces in, scoping out the pace of play in order to estimate what time Tiger is going to be arriving at 16 (“Big Feline is on the move”), and they are going to be updating you with a time estimate on the broadcast about every half an hour. As he approaches the tunnel, the announcers will go silent and let the crowd noise take over, and will treat it as if we are truly witnessing golf history. The crowd is going to go absolutely ape shit. Here’s how I wish Tiger would walk out:
This is what I’m expecting:
I’m anticipating it being pretty painfully awkward. Remember, Tiger is not cool, and he thinks he is. That’s a dangerous combination. But if he makes an ace, there’s going to be wildfires spread across the entire state of Arizona. I was there at the Memorial in 2012 when Tiger did this. People were SPRINTING around high fiving each other after this shot (mostly whiffing on the high fives of course). I knew that Tiger had a lot of fans (hot take), but it was at that moment that I realized how many people out there still truly love him. If he recreates the famous ace from 1999, the fans are going to chuck every piece of swag that has been thrown courteously passed in their direction, along with every full and empty beer cup they’ve been accumulating since the sun came up. Then they’re going to start disassembling the corporate boxes (another attempt to ruin the fun on 16) piece by piece, take the wood pieces, stack them on the 16th green and start The Greatest Fire the Southwest Has Ever Seen. A helicopter is going to have to Life Flight the Big Cat from the mosh pit on what used to be the 16th green to the 17th tee. Tiger will give as big of a fist pump as his body will let him, and then he’s going to realize what is coming for him:
@nolayingup pic.twitter.com/3ZTB2v7ZIP
— Adam Sarson (@Adam_Sarson) January 15, 2015
I’m going to say Poulter. We know the odds of him posting a selfie of us trapped in the elevator are 1/100 (Edit: they were just taken off the board in Vegas), and there’s a chance that I could photobomb it (let’s be honest, he’s taking the picture of himself… he probably won’t even notice I’m in the elevator).
He seems like he’s not actually that terrible of a person, but just has a truly laudable lack of self awareness to the point that it actually deserves admiration. We get it man. You’re rich. You don’t need to live tweet your tour of the Ferrari factory, your first class flight, and the caviar you’re chowing on from 35,000 feet (and all of these things happened within a two day span). It just makes me mind numbingly frustrated to see a level of self-absorbency unbeknownst to man kind since Narcissus himself go without comment. And I would take this opportunity to call him out on it. Does he not notice that other humans do not act this way? The worst part is that there is a large contigent of fans that actually eat this stuff up, and encourage him on it.
I actually judge Poulter for how long it took him to block me on twitter, but it really was just too easy to call him on his bullshit. I’m counting on you guys to keep me updated when he’s blowing up your feed with selfies of him pimping his book from the throne of his golden Ferrari engraved shitter.
@nolayingup three people on Twitter you want to follow the NLU account most..
— Kyle Porter (@KylePorterCBS) January 15, 2015
As of a few days ago, there’s a name that would have been on this list, but no longer qualifies (welcome aboard, Duf Daddy). Rory and Tiger are easy and too obvious of answers, so I’m just gonna skip them for the purpose of this exercise. I’m also gonna skip the LeBron, Kobe, Taylor Swift contingent, and all other golfers as well.
1. @celebrityhottub – The guys from Every Day Should be Saturday were the main inspiration behind the foundation of this site. They showed the college football world that you can have fun talking college football by saying the most off the wall shit, while still being able to back it up with some semblance of knowledge on the subject at hand. This is also perhaps the most entertaining twitter account out there.
2. @notthefakesvp – One of the few TV guys at ESPN that manages to keep it real. He’s been at it for a long time, but not once has his act ever seemed tired, has he ever done something just for the attention, or ever been involved in any legitimate controversy. He just tells it like it is, without ever using awful cliches such as “he just tells it like it is.”
3. @pftcommenter – I’m late to the party here, but my favorite new follow of 2014. A satirical account that pokes fun at the absolute hottest of hot takes, yet somehow does not ever get old reading. To produce this kind of material on a day by day basis has to be a grind, and I have the utmost respect for it.
@nolayingup in terms of courses/venues, is the WC swing the best stretch on the schedule? fav tournament on WC swing?
— Brendan Porath (@BrendanPorath) January 15, 2015
A serious golf question? Wow Porath, I bet you’re fun at parties….
Moving the Waste Management No Fun Phoenix Open in front of the Farmers Insurance Open now gives us the best four week stretch of tracks we see all year on the tour (the WMPO may be the best party of the year, but TPC Scottsdale is a pretty boring track). The stretch of Torrey-Pebble-Riv-PGA National surpasses runner up Harding Park-Sawgrass-Quail Hollow-Colonial by about 17 miles. In looking in detail at the schedule, seemingly every intriguing stretch is bombed by a TPC Southwind grenade, which makes this stretch the most unique on tour.
My favorite tournament on the Best Coast Swing is the Northern Trust Open. It’s celestial golf at its absolute finest. Torrey is a solid track, but might be a tad overrated. The venues for the Pebble Beach Pro-Am are phenomenal, but it’s perhaps the worst PGA Tour event on TV for real golf fans because we get bombarded with Chris Berman’s sweat, and Ray Romano’s attempts at humor, and Jim Nantz’s acting like he cares about these celebrity’s golf games (his best acting performance since his How I Met Your Mother appearance.)
Watching Bubba contaminate the blessed grounds of Hogan’s Alley damaged me last year, but there’s a reason Riviera is is in the NLU hall of fame. I was lucky enough to play there six years ago, and it remains in my top 3 of all places that I’ve sprayed my #TourSauce. It’s a true ball striker’s paradise, and is the true class of the West Coast Swing.
@NoLayingUp What could be the next greatest invention for golf broadcasts after the ProTracer?
— Erik Hoops (@ehoops) January 15, 2015
The #PrayForTedScott Meter! Seriously, a little graphic in the corner to at least give us a warning of when Bubba is up to his usual antics, and to track whether our prayers for Ted have been answered. Now we’re reliant on the twitter hashtag for the latest updates, which is just another example of the 2nd screen taking over the viewing of a sporting event. Get on board, Golf Channel! Give the people what they want! If something happens to Ted, then the blood is going to be on your hands.
@NoLayingUp Who wins more majors when it's all said and done: Rory and Phil combined or Tiger?
— Ben Hietanen (@foryourbenefit) January 15, 2015
I usually don’t like the standard “how many majors” question, but this one has an interesting twist, as there are several questions within the question. The first is whether Tiger is done winning majors (I say no). Next, is Phil done winning majors (I say no). Last, of course, is how many more majors will Rory win. Let’s say Tiger finishes with 16 majors, and Phil with 6. Do I think Rory wins 11 majors? I can’t say yes with a straight face. That would tie him with Walter Hagen for 3rd all time! With the depth of today’s fields, if I were to bet an over/under of 7 more majors for Rory, my brain would have to say that he’ll win less than that.
As of now, Rory is 6/1 to win the Masters. The math would tell you that his actual odds of winning the event are less than 1 in 6, but I wouldn’t know how to calculate what his, so let’s just assume its 1 in 6. I think we can agree that what we see right now is pretty much Peak Rory, and based on the math we’re using here, it would mean that to win 8 more majors, it would take him 12 years. And that’s assuming he stays at this current pace! It all seems easy for Rory now, but we’re a year removed from wondering if Rory was a complete fluke. What if he has some health problems? Did I throw enough cold water on this yet? Want me to ruin anything else before the end of this mailbag?
Thanks to all for writing in.
(Cover photo courtesy of Wei Under Par.)