And all the people said amen….probably. Listen, it’s been a long 15 months (drink) since we’ve seen El Tigre golf his ball. That’s a damn shame, so he deserves a tourney drinking game dedicated solely to him. Also, you don’t actually think you’re going to see any golf shots from the other 17, do you? (Comical, but drink if this unicorn like rarity occurs.) When Tiger is good, it’s good for golf, and at the end of the day aren’t we all just trying to #GrowTheGame (drink)?
I digress, there is without a doubt a group of you that is not making it back to the cube farm when you leave for lunch, opting instead to head straight to the bar to partake in the timeless American tradition known as the “liquid lunch.” Big thanks to these tee times and the classic 1.5 hour delay before coverage (drink) for making this possible. If your boss asks where you are the only appropriate response is….”Have you seen that goatee and those trendy (horrific) prototype shoes? Does a guy who looks like this look like he’s out there to just “be back with the guys (drink)? No, he’s on a mission and it is our duty to support him.”
Hope you all are “focused and ready (drink),” LET’S GO….
Take One Drink If…..
-“Vulnerable”…..as in his game was Vulnerable thus leading to a WD at the Safeway Open.
-Did you know that Tiger has not in fact broken the Golden Bear’s Major record? Debate.
-He made not one, but TWO Eagles in the Pro-Am Wednesday. Oh baby he’s back!
-Expletives! I’m not talking about the Golf Dad Kooch “Golly Gee” kind of expletives either.
-If he gets hot and we get a candid “It’s like he’s never been gone….” Eyeroll, then drink.
-“I’m going to have to find different ways to do it”
-Club Twirl!! So saucy, meow!
-Every flashback to his “prime”
-Reps, Release Pattern, Flighted, Pro Traj
-World Rankings? Are those official?
Take Two Drinks If…….
-New bag sponsor! Every time that all matte black midlife crisis energy drink logo sporting bag is mentioned you drink and fist pump like you’re still in your college partying prime.
**This thing is heinous and more deplorable than a white belt, in my humble opinion**
-“Glutes Activated”…..but are they?
-Yips. Any discussion or witnessing of “the yips.”
-Deadpans a cheesy sarcastic answer….and the giggle afterwards. Don’t spit out your beer.
-Was that a heavy sigh with a side of self-deprecation?
-Pulls out the classic “my speed was off”
-Microdiscectomy….say it correctly 3 times.
-Any discussion about the Ryder Cup and the secret service earpiece shots are shown.
Shots, Shots, Shots…..
-The “Make Tiger Great Again” Ryder Cup team shirts are mentioned.
-He goes Driver off the Deck….LOVE IT, but not great for the back, bud.
-Did he just grab his back in a way that could imply he’s agitated it and/or it’s bothering him?
Finish Your Drink…..
-If he asks P-Reed for advice….. (If you listened to the most recent NLU pod with Spieth, which you should, you know this will not happen)
-He finishes the round….great day of work, you earned it!
Alright, I think this is enough to get you well on your way to starting the weekend early and your suggestions were greatly appreciated. However, as the rounds go on, there is always room for additions. If there are any glaringly obvious omissions, tweet them my way @MattieLouOKTC. Our long national nightmare has finally come to an end….. Eldrick Tont Woods is teeing it up!